knowledge is power

Happy Wishcasting Wednesday!  It's been a busy week and I had a tough therapy session last week (I know this is good in the long run, but I walk out just exhausted in every way).

This week Jamie asks:

What do you wish to know?

courtesy of we heart it

I wish to know myself better.  The past few years have been a journey filled with ups and downs and random zig-zags.  I've felt victorious and strong and a few minutes later completely annhilated.  I've started the process of getting to know myself with therapy, something I probably should have done long ago, but didn't know how to go about while my mother was alive.  My family was Irish Catholic, filled with drinking and repressing pain away, definitely not talking about it.  And happiness?  Well, if you were lucky, but not guaranteed without a lot of suffering. 

Of course, the emotions and questions never went away, just festered...and I'm full of old memories and bad feelings and emotions I was never brave enough, or capable of dealing with before the past few years.

I've learned a lot about myself already.  I've begun to realize that I was the child in a situation without a parent who was rational or capable of being what I needed.  Now, I just want to get to know this person that other people seem to think I am - someone who is smart, funny, and kind.  I never see that in myself.  I want to be able to truly know what I'm feeling and why I'm making the choices I am...I want to stop sabotaging myself out of fear of knowing who I am.