Wednesday, May 4, 2011

knowledge is power

Happy Wishcasting Wednesday!  It's been a busy week and I had a tough therapy session last week (I know this is good in the long run, but I walk out just exhausted in every way).

This week Jamie asks:



courtesy of we heart it

I wish to know myself better.  The past few years have been a journey filled with ups and downs and random zig-zags.  I've felt victorious and strong and a few minutes later completely annhilated.  I've started the process of getting to know myself with therapy, something I probably should have done long ago, but didn't know how to go about while my mother was alive.  My family was Irish Catholic, filled with drinking and repressing pain away, definitely not talking about it.  And happiness?  Well, if you were lucky, but not guaranteed without a lot of suffering. 

Of course, the emotions and questions never went away, just festered...and I'm full of old memories and bad feelings and emotions I was never brave enough, or capable of dealing with before the past few years.

I've learned a lot about myself already.  I've begun to realize that I was the child in a situation without a parent who was rational or capable of being what I needed.  Now, I just want to get to know this person that other people seem to think I am - someone who is smart, funny, and kind.  I never see that in myself.  I want to be able to truly know what I'm feeling and why I'm making the choices I am...I want to stop sabotaging myself out of fear of knowing who I am.

13 comments:

S said...

Very honest and insightful. I can relate on many levels to your post. I also wish to know myself better. Something that kind of terrifies me when I really think about it seriously. Best to you on your journey of self-exploration through writing and therapy.

As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also.

artistaprilcole@gmail.com said...

Wow... there seems to be a pattern here, everyone to want to know more about themselves! :]
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

erinrichardson said...

*Hugs* Mare! Good for you going for therapy, you will gain so much & of course you will gain self knowledge as well. As you wish for yourself, so do I wish for you as well.

Camilla said...

Therapy can be a wonderful tool to find yourself. May it benefit you as much as it has benefited me.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Ginny said...

I really admire you for all that you are doing for yourself. I hope that you soon get to know that smart, funny, kind, person that everyone else knows. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

reikiflower said...

:) and so you shall ...

as you wish for yourself, i wish for you also <3 Gayle!

Mouse said...

Wow!! What a wonderful and amazing wish. It's very brave and open and trusting of you to step down this path. As you wish for yourself Mare, so I wish for you too ...... as well as light, love and laughter on your journey to accompany you when the going gets tough :)

Mandy said...

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Cindy Jones said...

This is the key to unlocking you!
"I want to stop sabotaging myself out of fear of knowing who I am."

As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also! Your honesty is as refreshing as a spring breeze.(Sorry if it's a cliche!)

thewildpomegranate said...

Thank you for such an transparent and honest peek into your wish. Seems that knowing ourselves is alot like learning to walk...it comes in fits and starts, with a few bumps and bruises along the way.

And then one day - Waa LA!

We're RUNNING!

As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well

Beverley Baird said...

What a powerful wish!
As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Very powerful wish. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Great steps forward. :)
As Mare wishes for herself, so I wish forher also.