I'm not sure where the past few months have gone, but they seem to have flown by.  Work has been keeping me busy as I transition into my new managerial role.  I'm quite proud of myself for how well I've handled things and all that I've learned in a short time.  Sure, I already know the organization and that helps, but I've worked hard to get myself on track and it seems to be paying off.

I'm currently interviewing for admin positions and I keep considering creating a blog post of dos and don'ts of resumes and interviewing.  I thought many of these things - spell check your resume, show up on time for interviews - were a given, but apparently not.  While I wait to see if my next interview shows up, I figured I would take a few moments to participate in Wischcasting Wednesday.

I definitely miss the wishing and the sense of community I get from it.  I need to make the time for it and myself.

This week Jamie asks:

What is Your Spring Wish?

courtesy of we heart it

"With the coming of spring, I am calm again." - Gustav Mahler

I wish to find time for myself again this Spring.  I wish to enjoy my creativity and dream big and write and explore the characters trapped in my brain.  I wish to run around outside and forget my troubles.    I wish to clean my house of the clutter that's bogging down my brain and person.  I wish to be...

those words that never were true...

Work has been extremely busy.  I recently got a promotion and the new position is challenging me and I'm learning new things, but it's crazy right now in the transition.  I've been bringing work home so that I can continue to make myself familiar with things I've never done before.

I wanted to take a minute to take part in Wishcasting Wednesday before the day was over.  I will try to respond to my other wishcasters tomorrow, but know this - as you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also.

This week Jamie asks:

What nourishment do you wish for?

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“We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as a meal does for the body." - Paulo Coehlo, The Pilgrimage

I wish to nourish myself with words.  Through my own writing, through the words of others, through reading and ingesting knowledge.  I wish to repeat only positive words to myself to quiet those negative voices that I've grown up allowing to rule my brain.  I wish to see words as my friends, my cheerleaders, rather than my nemesis.

What do you wish for you?

try...

It's been so long since I took part in Wishcasting Wednesday.  Things have been busy and whenever I would think about it, I would say, "Okay, in a little bit when I have some time" and then it would be Thursday morning and I would remember I never participated in the weekly wishcast.  I miss it and I've decided to do my best to make a little time for myself to reflect and wish and share with the circle.  It makes my Wednesdays that much better and will aid me with my personal goal of creative growth.

This week Jamie asks:

What do you wish to try?

courtesy of we heart it

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing. – Denis Waitley

There are a lot of things I want to try.  I've slowly been learning the past few years that while fear is not a bad thing, it shouldn't control me, especially when I'm mostly concerned with the what if it doesn't work?  It won't always work...but how will I know without taking a chance?    

This year:  I wish to try to write a young adult novel.  I wish to try to take this small little idea for a blog I thought up and have it come to fruition.  I wish to try to excavate a little bit more of my creative soul that I've kept hidden away for so long.  I wish to try laughing more and not being so hard on myself.  I wish to try whatever I think of as a possibility without allowing the small voice in the back of my mind from stopping me before I even start.

a bucket list of learning...

Happy Wishcasting Wednesday.  If you're not sure what that is, consider checking it out - You can be a maker of magic and a tender of wishes. It’s easy. Answer the wish prompt above on your blog and then add a direct link to your post in the box below. Support wishes by visiting other participants, leaving a comment saying “As (insert name) wishes for her/himself, so I wish for her/him also.” It’s that simple. There is great power in wishing together.

This week Jamie asks us:

What do you wish to learn?

courtesy of we heart it

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.” - T.H. White "The Once and Future King"

I wish to learn to draw and paint and embrace my creative side without my inner critic running amuck.  I wish to learn new languages and how to cook and to continue to learn to be a better writer.  I wish to learn to love myself as I am, but also learn that change is possible if I really want it.  I wish to learn that life is what we make of it and to truly believe that I am capable of whatever I aspire to.

experiences worth having...

It's Wishcasting Wednesday.  I haven't been as focused on making my weekly wishes recently, but I am going to rectify that situation.  I just have to get myself to believe it's okay to take a few minutes for myself even on the busiest of days.

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to experience?

courtesy of we heart it

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being, with an independent will; which I now exert to leave you." -- Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

I wish to experience freedom from my own trappings.  I want to escape from my head and all the reasons why I shouldn't do certain things - why I shouldn't put myself first - and allow things to happen.  I wish to experience life instead of being so scared of what could happen.  So scared that it paralyzes me from doing anything.  It's not a life I think is worth living.  It definitely won't make me happy, so it's time to work on changing that.

What do you wish for?

You wanna be starting something...

It's Wishcasting Wednesday and today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to start?

courtesy of we heart it

"The greatest amount of wasted time is the time not getting started." - Dawson Trotman

I wish to start writing every day.  I've re-begun my morning pages so I am doing the three handwritten pages a day, but despite signing up for Row80, I haven't been doing any writing beyond that except for the first few days.  Part of it is that work has been busy and I suddenly have a social life of sorts that requires me to stop being a hermit on my time off from work...so writing keeps taking a back seat.  Even when I do have time, I keep choosing to do other things - I need to catch up on my coupons, let me organize my closet, etc.  

I need to create a small niche of time that is just my own for writing.  Even if I end up writing pure drivel that should never cross another person's line of vision.  If I want to be a published author, I can't just wish it into fruition, I have to put in the effort.

holding onto faith

Dear universe:

I'm trying to understand your plans for me.  I'm trying to be optimistic and hopeful and not give up on my dreams.  But I feel like every time I start to get a grip on life and what I need to do and where I need to go, something new happens.  Like ending up in the emergency room with a kidney infection.  What are you trying to teach me?  What am I missing here?  Because, no offense, some days, it's really hard to have faith.

A questioning Mare

**

It's Wishcasting Wednesday, my friends!  This is always a favorite.

Today Jamie asks:

What is your heart's wish?

courtesy of we heart it

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep.  In dreams you will lose your heartaches.  Whatever you wish for, you keep.  Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through.  No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true." - Cinderella (Disney version)

You would think a question like this should be easy enough.  If it's in your heart, it should leap out of the page (or website) and hit you right in the gut, making everything suddenly make sense.  Of course, nothing in life really is so simple, at least not for me, and I've been pondering this question for the better part of twenty minutes.  What is my heart's wish?  What...is...my...heart's...wish?

To learn to overcome my own fears and worries that I'm just not good enough and just do the things that I know will make me happy.  I'm the queen of second guessing every little thing and I just want to live more in the moment, do what I feel is right and not worry so much about every possible catastrophe.  I feel like I need to remind myself that I'm much stronger than I think to give myself credit for.  I've survived a lot in my life and I'll survive more.  I am capable and deserving.

So I guess, my heart's wish is to stop being afraid of the "what if" all the time.

to be delighted...

It seems that as soon as I feel like "hey, things are ok," I am reminded how sad my state of affairs currently is.  I just had to spend money on a new washer and dryer, only to find out that people who had my house before made some sort of makeshift draining system that confounded my plumber (it's never good to hear, "I'm not sure how your basement hasn't flooded by now") and cost nine hundred dollars to fix.  Seriously, universe, what are you trying to tell me?  What do I need to learn so I can move on from the woe-is-me phase of things?

In good news, I managed to get my room cleaned and decluttered.  Next is the stockpile from couponing.  My sister and I have enough toothpaste to last a few years at this point (and I didn't pay for any of it - viva la coupons!), but it was just all over the place.  I finally had to put my foot down as our house was starting to look like an episode of Hoarders.

Slowly trying to get rid of my mother's stuff.  I have finally let go of any feelings of sentimentality and guilt that I've had about the possibility of selling/donating/trashing her things.  Both her and my father were pack rats and I'm drowning in stuff.  Argh.

Also good - I have been off all soda for 47 days today.  It has not been easy and some days I really want a Coke, but I drink my water and if I need something sweet, I have a glass of Newman's Own Lemonade.  I now want to turn my success with soda into success with snacking.

Even better than good?   Today is wishcasting Wednesday.  I've been neglecting the lovely circle of wishcasters and I resolve to correct that immediately.

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to delight in?

courtesy of we heart it

"Quit hanging on to the handrails....Let Go.  Surrender.  Go for the ride of your life.  

Do it every day." - Melodie Beattie

Building on what I wrote above, I wish to delight in some sense of stability and organization in my life.  I feel like things are in chaos - emotionally and physically - and I keep having these dreams of just packing up my car with what I need and moving on.  No strings attached.  Nothing to hold me back.  While I'm not quite ready to just abandon my house and job and such, I do think my subconscious wants me to free myself a bit.  

I wish to breathe easily, without fear and what if thoughts bogging me down.  I wish to delight in all the small triumphs I make on my way and to remember them when things are tough and I need proof that I am capable.  I wish to feel like I'm flying or riding in a ferris wheel like the one in the picture, looking out into the distance, wind brushing against my cheeks and the sun giving way to night.  Free and happy.

What do you wish for?

this house is not a home

I decided that no matter what I am making time for myself today to take part in Wishcasting Wednesday.  It's always a great thing to ponder and focus on and I love the interaction with the other wishcasters.  Things have been busy and I've been feeling woe-is-me lately, but I'm only punishing myself by ignoring the things that I love.

Today Jamie asks:

 What do you wish for your home?

courtesy of we heart it

"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time.  Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." - M. Scott Peck

It's funny and serendipitous that this question comes up after I just finished a therapy session where I spent a large time talking about my house and the things that need to get done that I keep feeling paralyzed by.  I'm so bogged down by resentment about the house situation I'm in (that originally was not of my making, but it's my own doing that I've let it go on) and so overwhelmed by the amount of stuff just taking up the house.  Both my parents were pack rats.  And in the past year, my sister and I have become hardcore couponers with a growing stockpile.  Except it's currently all over the place and unorganized, driving the Virgo in my more than a little insane.  My mother moved all her crap from place to place and now it's sitting in my sun room in boxes out the wazoo because I still haven't gone through it all.  A part of it is just that there is so much and it always falls to me to do this stuff and it's not fair.  Another part of it is that I feel slightly guilty that I feel no sentimental attachment to any of it.  If I could legally do it without destroying the house or hurting someone, I would just set the big pile of crap on fire and call it a day.    Mostly though, I think about everything that has to be done, get overwhelmed and can't focus on doing it in baby steps.  Like with everything else, baby steps are a good thing to remember.  Instead of trying to conquer a lifetime worth of stuff, I should focus on one section of a room at a time.  

There are so many things I'd like to do for my house and not all require a ton of money (which is very tight). So my wish for my home is that it starts to feel more like a house than a prison by me taking things little by little and sorting it out.  And if we could also qualify for a lower mortgage rate by refinancing, that would be great too.

it's wishcasting wednesday & van halen is stuck in my head

It's Wishcasting Wednesday and today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to jump into?

"So long as you have courage and a sense of humor, it is never too late to start life afresh." - Freeman Dyson

I wish to jump back into my writing.  Since January, I've been very lackadaisical with my writing.  I stopped my morning pages randomly and haven't restarted them (and I definitely feel it).  I don't really allot time in my day/week for writing/creative playing like I should.  I've been focusing on other things - things that did need attention and were driving me crazy - but I need to learn to still allow for my writing.  So it's back to writing and working on my YA novel and sharing stories with friends and taking part in the Indie Ink Challenge.

Close my eyes, jump and fly...

I'm having a bit of a day.  There are things going on with a co-worker that bring up my own bad memories and make me think of less than stellar moments.  I had a tough therapy session, which I logically know is a good thing, but has left me feeling wiped.  And the sun has disappeared behind the clouds and I just wish I could curl up and sleep away the rest of this day.  I'm trying not to steal my own joy, but sometimes I get in my own way so very easily.

It is wishcasting Wednesday though, and that always makes me feel better, contemplate a little bit, and share with other lovely wishers & dreamers.

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to rise above?

courtesy of we heart it

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.  We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

I wish to rise above my own limitations, the voice that tells me not to try, to not dream big because it will end in failure and I'm not good enough or deserving enough or whatever-enough that my head thinks up.  I am truly my own worst enemy.  I spent much of my hour of therapy today talking about how I am horrible to myself and I need to stop getting in my own way so much.  I don't let myself enjoy even small victories without a voice in my head telling me, "Yeah, but you didn't do that and this is stupid and..."

I need to stop this.  Even if I can't bring myself to challenge my inner demons at the moment, I can shut them up and stop listening to them.  I can rise above the power they hold on me and let myself jump free.  It will definitely be scary, but if I've learned nothing else from my life it's that I'm a survivor.

it's a sleepy wishcasting day...

Today was a long, busy day.  It seems that managers in my office sit on work for weeks at a time and then expect it to get done ohmigodrighthtissecondbecauseit'sDUE.  And hey, I'm a huge procrastinator.  If I could make a living at procrastinating, I'd probably become productive just to procrastinate.  However, I don't put off work, especially if other people will need to be involved.  Oh well, what can I do?

Breathe in, breathe out.

I do love Wednesdays though because it's wishcasting time and today Jamie asks:

What do you wish for your future?

courtesy of we heart it

"Our strength grows out of our weaknesses." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wish to be whole.  Healthy, not wasting my life in fear, but grabbing hold of it and flying, and happy.  My weight and health are huge issues for me. I'm not naive enough to think that all my problems will disappear if I wake up healthy and fit, but it would go along way to helping me.  I want to embrace small successes so that one day I can see how far I've come.

I want to grow and stretch and learn and cry and laugh.  I want to try everything instead of putting it on a bucket list that I never touch.  I want to become the me I'm meant to be.

the universe and self-esteem and a wish or two or three...

Apparently the universe doesn't want to hear me whine.  I had this whole little spiel typed out about my own meanness toward myself and how I don't feel like I'm moving forward in fixing myself and how frustrating it is.  Bah.  It continues to be the great issue of my life.  I have no self esteem and while it began with my mother, I learned to go with it and I'm just so hard on myself.  It's hard to have self esteem when you constantly hate yourself for ridiculous and untrue reasons.  It's the getting it through my head that I'm not this monster I've conjured that is the trouble.  Sometimes it's hard to see how far I've come with therapy over the past three years, but the I am a lot better, just impatient and too hard on myself.

But it's March and the weather here is gorgeous and I'm finally free of the plague and sinus woes and allergic reactions that caused me to break out in hives.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I woke up today feeling like I could conquer the world.  I wish I could bottle that feeling so I'd have it for the not-so-great-days.

Also on the bright side, it's wishcasting wednesday, and today Jamie asks:

What is your spirit wishing for?

courtesy of we heart it

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." - EE Cummings

I have to admit, on first glance at this question, I didn't really have an immediate answer that popped out of me.  Usually, I just know the answer, but today, I found myself going back and forth and really thinking about this.  What is my spirit wishing for?

And I think it falls in line with my therapy today and all the emotions bogging me down and how I treat myself.  My spirit is wishing for healing and compassion and some acknowledgement that the two are intertwined.  I need to be patient and understanding with myself, the same way I would be with someone else.

So it's actually kind of simple and yet oh-so-hard.

What's your wish?

As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also!

It's bound to be a better ride than what you've got planned...

It's Wednesday.  I am still battling illness of doom, but at least it's no longer bronchitis.  It's now a bad sinus infection - I'm not sure why that's better, but my doctor seemed to think it was progress.  Unfortunately the hacking cough and grossness still hasn't gone away.  And this is why, when co-workers come in all sickly in the future, I will wear a mask like I'm a commuter in Japan or something.

My note from the universe today was something I could do with remembering more often:

It may seem a bit backwards for some, Mare, but the first step on might take towards rearranging the present circumstances of their life is to stop dwelling upon the present circumstances of their life.


But for you it's probably a no-brainer.


The Universe

I wish I could say it was a no-brainer, but I do tend to get bogged down by what's going on in the minute.  I also tend to then take that and freak out about possible horrible futures.  It's a strange thing.  I'm actually a pretty optimistic gal, but when it comes to myself, my own well being and my own successes/failures, I can be a horrible pessimist.  I continue to work on that.

---

One of the great things about Wednesday, aside from the work week being halfway through, is that it's wishcasting Wednesday.  Today Jamie asks:

How do you wish to spend your time?

courtesy of we heart it

"Oh!  Do not attack me with your watch.  A watch is always too fast or too slow.  I cannot be dictated to by a watch." - Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

I have this nasty habit of making strange deadlines in my own head of where I should be with my life and start to get angry with myself because I'm not there.  It's not productive and usually leads to me wallowing about wondering why I'm bothering - as though thirty-six is so old and beyond accomplishing great things.  It's bizarre and negative and wrong.  I view time as my enemy and it's not.

I wish to spend my time without worry about what should be and focus on what I want and accomplishing it, without fear and hesitation and getting caught up in the too late mantra.

I wish to spend my time exploring myself and the world through those eyes, embracing creativity and spirituality and all those other great -ity words.

I wish to laugh and cry and face my fears with courage.

I wish to remember that each second counts and it's no use to me to spend those precious moments caught up in games of "what if" and "i suck" and "bah! humbug!"

What do you wish for?

a wish for the world

Turns out I had bronchitis last week.  I'm starting to feel better, though it seems to have moved from my chest to rest in my sinuses and I can currently barely hear.  Dear ears, please drain out.  Love, Me.

It's Wednesday, only two days left to the work week before a long weekend, I'm starting to feel better and I had a good therapy session today.  i can't complain too much.  

And to top it off, it's wishcasting wednesday.  Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish for the world?

courtesy of we heart it

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King Jr.

This is a very fitting question given what is going on in the world at the moment.  Syrian citizens are being killed and attacked by their own government.  Israel and Iran are on the verge of war and bombing.  And here in my area, last week, a guy pulled his two little boys into the house with him and set it on fire, killing them all.  The world can be a very scary place.  I wish, just for a moment, that everyone could step back and try to see things from another's point of view.  It can be hard and scary (lordy knows I have issues with it).  I wish that peace could prevail over greed and power.  I wish that people would actually stand up and say, "I see what is going on and I won't tolerate it" instead of thinking there is nothing they can do and/or choosing to do nothing.

---

Hey wishcasters, who is on Pinterest?  If you are, share your links.  I can be found here.  If you're not on Pinterest, I can send you an invite as it's fun and addictive.

breathing in and out, slowly...

Once again I'm just getting to wishcasting at the end of the day.  The past few days I've been battling an evil cold/sinus infection of doom because people I work with come in sick, spread germs everywhere and then seem perplexed when everyone else catches their shit.  Argh.  I hate colds.  They're evil and I'm a baby.


Onto brighter things...wishcasting.  Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to attract?

courtesy of we heart it

"Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." - Thomas Jefferson

This seems fitting on a day when I'm cursing my inability to breathe easily without a fit of coughs.  I wish to attract good health.  I wish to attract the strength to take better care of myself.  I might not be able to avoid every cold that comes along, but I can do my best to limit what happens.  I don't want to end up like my mother.  She didn't take care of herself and she was miserable and died too young.  

What are you wishing for?  

As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also...

right at the end of the day, but still in time to share my wish

It has been a long day.  I still need to finish up my piece for this week's Indie Ink challenge, but I think it's waiting until tomorrow morning as I'm starting to feel the pull of my heated blanket and sleep.  But I didn't want to miss out on Wishcast Wednesday, so right under the gun...


Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish for your  health and wellness?

courtesy of we heart it

“To insure good health: Eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.” - William Londen

i wish to stop planning and fretting and waiting for tomorrow to get my head and body in order.  I seem to live for the perpetual tomorrow and there is no reason for it.  I do much better with right now on everything else, why wouldn't my health be the same?  

I wish to put as much energy into improving my mental and physical health as I do worrying about the myriad of ways I fail at these things.  

I can do it. 

What do you wish for?

As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also...

Just close your eyes and listen...

It's been a rough couple of weeks emotionally, but focusing on the positive, I have made some progress on decluttering the house and getting rid of things.  It was getting ridiculous and I'm pretty sure it was slowly sapping away my energy.  Today was a tough therapy session that involved a lot of tears shed and I hate crying even if I know it's a way to get out all of this negativity and garbage I've kept stuffed away for so long.  It's not fun while I'm in it, but hopefully soon I realize it was all for the best.

Luckily, it's Wishcasting Wednesday, and today Jamie asks:

If you listen closely, what do you wish to hear?

courtesy of we heart it

"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts." ~K.T. Jong

I wish to hear the truth and fears behind my thoughts and reasons for my actions.  I wish to hear the why in my choices that sometimes goes unnoticed in the moment.  I wish to listen to myself more and not feel guilty or selfish for what I need.

first wishcast of 2012

First day back to work after vacation and things are slightly crazy at the moment.  But how could I miss the first wishcast of 2012?  It's one of my favorite parts of the week and I feel strangely unfocused when I don't take part.  I have to finish preparing my co-worker's gift for tomorrow (part homemade fun/part real gift), so I won't be able to visit each blog until tomorrow, but as always know, as you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also.

This week Jamie asks us:

What or whom do you wish to make peace with?

courtesy of we heart it

I wish to make peace with my anger, sadness, and grief toward my mother.  It's hard to carry around this anger for things that happened in my life.  I've come to accept that I'm allowed to be upset, that I'm not marring her memory but being honest about how I perceived things and how I was hurt, but I haven't been able to forgive her yet.  And it's keeping me from really saying goodbye and moving past her death and not being tied down to these crazy ideas she put in my head because she meant well or just didn't know any better.  I know she loved me, but I haven't been able to get past these feelings of resentment I feel.  It's not good to carry this around.  I want to be able to conjure up the good memories of my mother when people ask about her, and there were plenty of good memories, but right now they get lost in this space in my gut.

I wish to finally process these emotions and move past them.  The only person they're hurting is me and I think I've done enough of that already.

I could really use a pot of gold

It was hard to come back to work yesterday after five glorious days off from work.  I did a lot of shopping (great deals with coupons were to be had) and cooked/baked and slept.  It was wonderful.  But back to work and getting back into a routine, which went out the window over the holiday.  Strange how easy it is to slip out of a pattern, but how hard it sometimes feels to get back on track.

Anyway, today is Wishcasting Wednesday, and Jamie asks us:

What treasures do you wish for?

courtesy of we heart it

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milliga

I wish for the treasure of enough money to thrive rather than barely get by.  Currently, money is extremely tight and any house issue turns into a crisis with lots of stress and anxiety as I freak out about where the money will come from and why does this keep happening?  I realize that ups and downs are a part of life.  I do understand how lucky I am to have a job that provides a roof over my head and food on the table.  And I know I could probably extend my budget a little further to make it last longer...but it would be nice to have a little reprieve.  Not a ton of money, just enough to live without constant fear of what could happen.

What do you wish for?