here's to life...

courtesy of We Heart It

Today has been a good day.  I find that I complain enough when life is rough or I'm frustrated or particularly sullen, so I need to acknowledge when things are good as well.  I feel in sync with the universe and I'm noticing the small things that are going my way - rainy day with grocery store run needed, but there was a spot up close and no line!

The past couple of weeks, the last month, have not been my finest hours.  It was the anniversary of my mother's death at the end of January and then my father's death last week.  I got hit with this cold-infection-thing going around that takes awhile to go away and it got really bad last week.  My psychiatrist changed my meds and I was detoxing from caffeine and soda.

I seem to have come out the other end of the tunnel.  I started to feel a bit better yesterday, didn't dread getting out of bed and didn't feel like my body and mind were at war with one another, and today has been good (especially since I stayed up late to watch Oscar stuff). 

I almost stopped to get a soda on my way to work - part habit and part nerves about a work issue - but caught myself. I took a moment to ask myself why I wanted the soda and would it be worth giving up my streak of not drinking any of it.  When I did this, I was able to see that I didn't really want the soda, I was just worried about something that made me feel bad.  This is such a big moment for me and I am so proud of myself.  I caught myself in the moment of possible sabotage and stopped it!

As I read ABCcreativity's weekly intention post, I realized that is how I intend to approach this week.  Acknowledge the good moments, no matter how small or trivial they seem.  Appreciate myself and my accomplishments.  I'm so quick to come down on myself for the smallest issue, but I never allow myself to embrace anything positive if I mentally decide it's a small victory. It doesn't get me anywhere.

I'm going to say things like, "Yay! I've been off soda for a week and caffeine for two and I don't really miss it!" or "I got all of the laundry done!" or "I am finally noticing certain things I do!" and be proud of myself.

It feels weird to type this out - to put it out there - as the little voice in the back of my head tells me not to, that these aren't victories, just things most people can do...

Shut up, stupid monster voice.  I'm not most people and it's okay to be happy with myself.

**

I'm behind on many online things, but I keep reminding myself that the online and blogging world is supposed to be a fun place for me, a place to learn more about myself and express my creativity.  It's not a job that I have to dread and the truth of the matter is that I just wasn't feeling up to being online much. 

Now that I'm feeling better and have a bit of spring in my step, I hope to catch up with the Assessing Your Wellness journey from Rae, to post about my ROW80 and 90 Day Living Write challenges (I have been making my 250 word goal of writing every day - just not remembering to share it or even talk about it), and to add some of my latest book and movie reviews.

Weekly Intention: What Did You Say?

courtesy of http://theydontbelive.tumblr.com/

ABC Creativity provides a place to think about and write down an intention for the week.  Not a to-do list or goals to stress you out, a simple idea that you want to manifest throughout the week.

I'm a very gifted person as far as only hearing what I want to hear when people talk to me.  And by that, I mean I only hear the negative things or my mind perceives it as something it's not.  Because I'm not really listening to anything beyond how I'm sure I'm being judged by this person.

And it's not just in conversations.  While I'm slowly improving, I don't allow myself to listen to the universe or my intuition or even my body.  It's like I'm a child in the midst of a tantrum with her hands clamped down on her ears hollering in a sing-song voice, "I'm not listening, fa, la, la."

I want to listen more.  I hear plenty, but I don't listen.  Not nearly enough.

weekly intention: push the positivity

 

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/12/06/weekly-intention-flow/

This weekend and especially today I've been struggling with my mood. A lot of great things have been happening for my friends and I'm truly happy for them and wish nothing but the best, but it further highlights how stuck I feel.  This feeling of being bogged down by my own lacking has been webbing out into everything I do and I'm falling back on those negative thoughts of "not good enough" and "never amount to anything."  Nothing good comes of this behavior.

I'm proud of myself for noticing it more - it's a step in the right direction.  But this week, my intention is to stop focusing so much on the negative things and be grateful for the now and what I do have and am capable of.  I'm always so focused on the future and where I want to be/should be,  I lose sight of the moment I'm in, the only one I'm guaranteed.  So universe and subconscious, I'm going to work on the energy I put out there.

weekly intention: moment to moment

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/09/20/intention-trust/

My intention last week was not to let fear control me.  I succeeded at times and other moments I failed spectacularly.  I can't deny I've been sitting on a lot of anxiety regarding finances.  Logically, I know things will work out and that I'm fortunate to have a job and a house to fret about when so many are in much worse situations.  But emotionally, selfishly, over the weekend, I was going to the "ohmygodwhatamIgoingtodolifeishorrible" place.

So, this week's intention is to grow upon my intention not to let fear stop me by focusing more on each moment as it happens.  To be present.  To be able to take that second to recognize my emotions in hopes of understanding and embracing my fears.

 

I will not let fear control me...

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/09/13/intention-sparkl/#more-3832

The passing of September 11th brought back a swarm of memories, worry about several friends, the loss of one of them, and it was yet another one of those reminders how much chaos there is in life.  There is only so much you can do to safe guard yourself from it without giving up actually living.  Who wants that?   The only thing each of us can do is live our best possible lives, be happy and try to pass that onto others.  My friend was all about that sort of thing.

Sometimes I let fear get in my way.  Fear of not being good enough.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  This fear keeps me static.

My intention this week:  Not to let fear hinder me.  Embrace it, work through it, and use it...just don't let it stop me.

My weekly intention

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/08/23/intention-movement/

My intention this week is trust.  Trust in the universe and in myself that things will work out, that as long as I keep doing what I need to do, I'll be fine and succeed.  Trust that hard work does pay off.  And especially trust that it's never too late to pick myself back up when I don't succeed at something right away.