Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It's bound to be a better ride than what you've got planned...

It's Wednesday.  I am still battling illness of doom, but at least it's no longer bronchitis.  It's now a bad sinus infection - I'm not sure why that's better, but my doctor seemed to think it was progress.  Unfortunately the hacking cough and grossness still hasn't gone away.  And this is why, when co-workers come in all sickly in the future, I will wear a mask like I'm a commuter in Japan or something.

My note from the universe today was something I could do with remembering more often:

It may seem a bit backwards for some, Mare, but the first step on might take towards rearranging the present circumstances of their life is to stop dwelling upon the present circumstances of their life.

But for you it's probably a no-brainer.

The Universe

I wish I could say it was a no-brainer, but I do tend to get bogged down by what's going on in the minute.  I also tend to then take that and freak out about possible horrible futures.  It's a strange thing.  I'm actually a pretty optimistic gal, but when it comes to myself, my own well being and my own successes/failures, I can be a horrible pessimist.  I continue to work on that.

One of the great things about Wednesday, aside from the work week being halfway through, is that it's wishcasting Wednesday.  Today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"Oh!  Do not attack me with your watch.  A watch is always too fast or too slow.  I cannot be dictated to by a watch." - Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

I have this nasty habit of making strange deadlines in my own head of where I should be with my life and start to get angry with myself because I'm not there.  It's not productive and usually leads to me wallowing about wondering why I'm bothering - as though thirty-six is so old and beyond accomplishing great things.  It's bizarre and negative and wrong.  I view time as my enemy and it's not.

I wish to spend my time without worry about what should be and focus on what I want and accomplishing it, without fear and hesitation and getting caught up in the too late mantra.

I wish to spend my time exploring myself and the world through those eyes, embracing creativity and spirituality and all those other great -ity words.

I wish to laugh and cry and face my fears with courage.

I wish to remember that each second counts and it's no use to me to spend those precious moments caught up in games of "what if" and "i suck" and "bah! humbug!"

What do you wish for?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

a wish for the world

Turns out I had bronchitis last week.  I'm starting to feel better, though it seems to have moved from my chest to rest in my sinuses and I can currently barely hear.  Dear ears, please drain out.  Love, Me.

It's Wednesday, only two days left to the work week before a long weekend, I'm starting to feel better and I had a good therapy session today.  i can't complain too much.  

And to top it off, it's wishcasting wednesday.  Today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King Jr.

This is a very fitting question given what is going on in the world at the moment.  Syrian citizens are being killed and attacked by their own government.  Israel and Iran are on the verge of war and bombing.  And here in my area, last week, a guy pulled his two little boys into the house with him and set it on fire, killing them all.  The world can be a very scary place.  I wish, just for a moment, that everyone could step back and try to see things from another's point of view.  It can be hard and scary (lordy knows I have issues with it).  I wish that peace could prevail over greed and power.  I wish that people would actually stand up and say, "I see what is going on and I won't tolerate it" instead of thinking there is nothing they can do and/or choosing to do nothing.

Hey wishcasters, who is on Pinterest?  If you are, share your links.  I can be found here.  If you're not on Pinterest, I can send you an invite as it's fun and addictive.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Indie Ink: Another Life Lesson

Note to self:  For future reference, when Megan tells you she has an omg!brilliant idea for how to spend Friday night, do not listen.  Stay home, put on ratty pajamas, and watch Sixteen Candles or one of those other movies about high school kids who were much cooler than self.

I was going to kill someone.  Loud music emanated around the room so loud that I could feel the beat in my chest, but it was nowhere near as shrill as the laughter of the drunk girl sitting next to me.  She kept touching me like we hadn't just met five minutes ago and kept singing the wrong verses to the songs followed by a bout of giggling.

No one told me that the only way to actually enjoy a fraternity party was to be super drunk so the sheer idiocy wouldn't register.  

"I don't know about you, but this is the best party I've ever been to," she slurred.  She tried to stand herself up from her spot on the worn leather couch, but ended up falling onto the floor.  She giggled and added, "Awesome."

I was momentarily torn between helping her out and taking a picture on my iPhone of the stupid drunk girl who molested me to share with the world.  My good nature kicked in, but I was too late.  Random drunk girl had crawled across the shag carpet to random drunk guy in a tie-dyed tee-shirt and draped herself across his lap .  It seemed the natural evolution of a party like this.  There would always be kegs of beer, stupid drinking games, disco balls and random drunks to find one another across a dirty carpet.

It turned out that college parties, like most other things in life, were highly overrated.   I wasn't sure what I had expected when I had agreed to come.  Maybe it was just the idea of being a junior in high school sneaking off to a college party with her ne'er-do-well friends, but I had been intrigued by the thought of hot guys who could talk to you about politics as easily as quote the latest South Park episode.  Unfortunately,  the guys at this party seemed incapable of any conversation beyond a basic grunt for more beer.

This had been a huge mistake.  When Megan texted me with the information, sneaking out to a college party had seemed like a good idea, a way to get myself out of the rut of high school and never feeling quite right in my own skin.  It would be one of those things that I could one day wax philosophical about as I remembered how much fun I had and what I learned about myself.  Maybe it would even be like a scene from a stupid teen movie where I meet the great love of my life over a game of quarters.

Instead, I had nearly been thrown up on twice, my friend had ditched me for the promise of a game of darts, and my father the career military ninja, was going murder me when I came home reeking of pot and beer.

"Jamie, there you are!" Megan squealed as she came down the stairs with a shirtless frat boy in tow.  She stumbled toward me - good thing I didn't believe her when she said she'd be the designated driver - and wrapped her arms around my neck from behind the couch.  She petted my head, god only knew why, and said, "Aren't you glad we came?  I'm glad we came!  This is Travis!"

Shirtless frat boy grinned at me and winked.  "Hey."

I rolled my eyes.  College boys were almost worst than the guys in my class.  I tapped my watch and said, "We need to go or we're going to be in trouble."

Megan continued to pet my head.  "Nah.  It's cool.  We've got time.  And Travis has a friend for you."

Travis winked again and said, "I do."

"Gee, thanks, but we really need to go.  Both Megan and I have really overprotective fathers.  And mine is legally allowed to shoot people."


I stood up and made my way around the couch until I could wrap my arm around Megan.  She giggled and said, "Jamie is always so serious."

"Yep.  That's me," I said.  I began to try to move us toward the door, but Travis-the-loser-frat-boy kept getting in my way.  I glared at him and said, "Move."

"My friend really liked you.  And I like Megs.  We can have fun."

"I feel like I'm trapped in a very special episode of a sitcom," I replied.  I grunted as I pushed past Travis and dragged Megan the remainder of the way out of the frat house.  I wasn't sure how college parties got the reputation for being cool, but this was one experience I could cross off my life list.

Megan waved back toward the house to no one as I guided her down the sidewalk.  She shook her head and said, "Party pooper."

"You're never allowed to talk me into some 'important rite of passage' again.  This sucks."

Megan pried free of my grip and almost crashed to the ground.  I managed to snake my arm back around her before she faceplanted into the concrete and pulled her back up.  Megan laughed and then her face quickly drained of color and she frowned.  "Jamie, why is that tree upside down?"

"Oh man.  The only life lesson I'm getting out of this is a long lecture from my dad when I drag your sorry ass back into my house."

"Your dad is hot.  I'd totally date him."

"That's gross and mentally scarring."

"It's a compliment.  You come from hot stock."

"Please stop talking.  I'm already reconsidering our friendship," I commented.  It felt like we had been walking forever, but we had only gotten a few yards from the house.  I peered down the street to wear Megan's car was parked and cursed under my breath. 

Megan rested her head on my shoulder, putting even more of her weight on me, and said, "Don't be silly.  We've been friends forever.  Nothing can come between us!"

I nodded because there really wasn't anything else to say.  I wanted to hate her, but I mostly hated myself for getting into this situation in the first place.  I used to be smarter than this.

Once we reached her car, there was another ordeal to pull the keys out of her jacket pocket and get Megan situated in the passenger seat.  I slid into the driver's seat and glanced at the dashboard.  I groaned and rested my head against the steering wheel.  This was just not my night.

Note to self #2: Learn how to drive stick shift.

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, lisa challenged me with "I don't know about you, but this is the best party I've ever been to! she drunkenly slurred." and I challenged Sir with "she came to and her whole life was how she remembered it"

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

breathing in and out, slowly...

Once again I'm just getting to wishcasting at the end of the day.  The past few days I've been battling an evil cold/sinus infection of doom because people I work with come in sick, spread germs everywhere and then seem perplexed when everyone else catches their shit.  Argh.  I hate colds.  They're evil and I'm a baby.

Onto brighter things...wishcasting.  Today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." - Thomas Jefferson

This seems fitting on a day when I'm cursing my inability to breathe easily without a fit of coughs.  I wish to attract good health.  I wish to attract the strength to take better care of myself.  I might not be able to avoid every cold that comes along, but I can do my best to limit what happens.  I don't want to end up like my mother.  She didn't take care of herself and she was miserable and died too young.  

What are you wishing for?  

As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also...