time for another wishcast...

This morning I found out that my co-worker has to go out immediately on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy so the temporary assistant game begins sooner than expected (she wasn't planning to come back after she has her baby).  I'll miss her at the office, but as I told her this morning when I talked to her, the most important thing is her and her baby and not to even worry about this place.

I'm mentally preparing myself for the game of hope-they-like-this-one-maybe-hire-that-one that goes on.  I've been through this twice before and it always takes my boss about a year (yes, a flipping year) to hire someone and it's not fair to me or the new hire (as I'm so drained by the time the person is hired, I'm not able to train her/him as well as I should).  Here's to hoping for a quick turnaround. 

Bright side:  it's wishcasting wednesday and I get to share my dreams and wishes with all of my lovelies!

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to take a stand for?

courtesy of We Heart It

I feel like it's horribly self-involved to immediately think of myself.   I already stand up for causes I hold dear - women's issues, environment, gay rights - and try to stay involved as much as possible.  that is a part of how I was raised.  Civics and standing up for what you believe and doing something about it have been ingrained in me since I was little.  Championing causes and volunteering and trying to better my community and world were things both my parents did and I followed their examples.  I'm sure there is always room for improvement on my part - volunteer more!  live a greener life! - but I think I've got this area of things going well.

Taking a stand for myself?  Doing things that will make me better?  Removing people from my life that our toxic?  I'm not good at standing up for myself.  Instead, it's like I wear a neon flashing sign "doormat!"  I wish to work on that.  I wish to stand up to my own inner gremlin voices that tell me I don't deserve good things or all the ways I'm horrible.  I wish to stand up to people who treat me poorly as I don't deserve it.  I wish to stop avoiding doing things that could move me to a better future and version of me because of hurtful words from other people and some silly notion that it's selfish.

After all, how can I help make the world a better place when I'm living in a pit of despair of my own making?

(I'll be making the rounds and try to get to as many blogs as possible today, but just know:  as you wish for yourselves, so I truly wish for all of you!)

from negative to positive...

Today was a horrific day.  I'm battling the triple threat of illness - ear infection, sinus infection, and upper respiratory infection - so I missed work on Monday and have been sorta just sleeping as much as possible and on lots of meds.  I realize my brain is not at full functioning levels.  And, amongst other reasons, it led to an issue involving name badges of doom this afternoon at work.  I corrected the issue and stayed late to get it done properly, and yet, I can't let it go.  Why am I so good at harping on the things I mess up and totally incapable of allowing myself to enjoy moments of victory?  I just wish I could stop myself from feeling this way.  At least I'm able to notice it now, so that's a start.

Speaking of wishes, it's Wishcasting Wednesday.  I know the day is almost over, but I feel so much better when I do this and share my hopes for everyone else.  It's nice to positivity out into the universe.  This week Jamie references She references Mary Oliver’s poem Wild Geese. 

What does the soft animal of your body wish for?

Comfort.  As the seasons change and I'm battling of the icky feelings associated with sickness, I currently just want comfort.  A place without anxiety and negativity where I can recharge my batteries and just be.  In the end it will help me get back on track with so many things and give me time to think and journal and enjoy things that I keep finding ways to avoid.  I want the comfort of a warm blanket, a cup of hot chocolate and a good book in front of the fire place while I just enjoy the small moments of life.

Such a long day...

My partner in crime at work is on vacation this week.  Not only am I jealous that she's in sunny Florida, but suddenly things got very busy in the office.  God love them, my bosses seem to thrive on waiting until the very last second to need to get some huge project done rightawaymustbedone.  And I've already been in a mood of sorts the past few days, fighting off a cold and ennui.  Luckily, I sucked it up, went to the gym, and swam my laps on lunch.  As much as exercise annoys me, I do feel better after I do it, and while I'm working out, my mind wanders into such fun places sometimes.  You know, when I'm not groaning and thinking, "Why oh why can't I just pay someone to work out for me and still be healthy?"

Also on the bright side, it's Wishcasting Wednesday!  I love these questions.  It forces me to stop and think, and the questions are always so perfectly timed as to where my mind tends to be.

Where do you wish to grow your confidence?

 

illustration by hugh macleod

Confidence has never been my strong point.  I grew up with a mother who would make me feel so small all the time and say, "I'm your mother, if I can't tell you the truth, who can?"  Now I realize a lot of it was her and her issues, but it has left a lasting impression on me.  I'm only learning over the past few years that I need to stop only seeing myself in such negative ways.

So I wish to grow confidence in myself and through that I'll become stronger and have more faith in my own creativity and strives to live a happy, fulfilled life.