I can be bold and dream big

My note from the universe today is so appropriate: 

Your secret blessing, Mare, is that no matter where you go in time and space, you only ever have to be yourself - as courageous, vulnerable, bold, or afraid as you may feel - to find yourself amongst friends.
So loved,


The Universe
 
It was a good way to start the day and a good thing to be reminded of.  And it's also wishcasting wednesday, which always provides me with a chance to explore my journey.  I hated that I missed last week - evil back trouble and a root canal left me wanting nothing to do with the computer - but I've been doing better with my regular journaling again.  I tend to go through peaks and valleys with my journaling these days.
 
This week Jamie asks:
 

What do you wish to transform?

 
 

courtesy of We Heart It

The immediate answer is my life.  I wish to transform my life.  And while that is a good thing, it's part of my ongoing problem with change.  I don't know how to appreciate small transformations and wish to blink my eyes and POOF, everything is as I dream it to be.  I overlook the hard work and emotional growth and investment necessary to make great transformations occur. 

I have been off all types of soda for 42 days now.  Considering how much of a soda fiend I was, this is a huge victory for me.  Do I allow myself to celebrate it or do I focus on all the things that I haven't conquered in those same 42 days?  I need to think about my life differently and appreciate all the changes I've made so far so that I can move forward and reach that next step.

Right now, I want to transform my health.  I had done so well when I was on Weight Watchers, dropped 75lbs, and hit a wall when money got tight.  It was all emotional, all self-sabotage, and I'm slowly understanding those triggers.  For me now, it's about starting over, to stop waiting for the perpetual Monday to come and just do it.

I wish to make the conscious decision to eat better and move more.  If I stray, I want to understand why I'm doing that - do I simply want a piece of pizza or am I getting in my own way.  I wish to be all those things my note from the universe says I am - bold, courageous, vulnerable.

the exercise blues

First, I did a guest post over at the 100 Mile Fitnesss Challenge on my own approach to exercise - loathing and terror.  It can be found here.  It's nothing mind blowing, but I appreciate Trish giving me the opportunity to share my feelings on such things.

Second, I tried the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga last night and am now feeling it.  I do not believe it is fair to add push-ups into yoga.  I think that is cheating.  If I knew Bob Harper, I would tell him so and run away before he could make me do jumping jacks.  I've also come to realize that for someone who used to be a dancer, I'm quite inflexible and lack any grace whatsoever.  On the dvd, the people, even the guys, move easily, practically flowing, from one move to another, while I'm stumbling around like a lunatic.  Hopefully, this will get better with time, but my ego is a little bruised.  Stupid yoga. 

100 Miles Fitness Challenge Round 2 - Weeks 1 & 2 check in

I started off the New Year strong, but by January 4th, I started to feel like crap. I ended up with bronchitis and that put me out of commission (per doctor's orders) through that whole week.

Week #1 (January 1st - January 7th)

January 1 = 3 miles
January 2 = 3 miles
January 3 = 2 miles
January 4 = 0 miles
January 5 = 0 miles
January 6 = 0 miles
January 7 = 0 miles

Week 1 Total = 8 miles


Week #2 (January 8th - January 14th)

January 8 = 0 miles
January 9 = 0 miles
January 10 = 0 miles
January 11 = 2 miles
January 12 = 2 miles
January 13 = 2 miles
January 14 = 2 miles

Week 2 Total = 8 miles


It was really frustrating being down and out for a week. Don't get me wrong. I haven't suddenly changed my mindset about how I approach working out. It's not something I look forward to and if my doctor would say to me, "You can eat pizza and still be healthy and in shape without doing anything" I'd be the first on that boat. I mean, there are activity things I would do, probably, but not as often as I do now. What frustrated me was that since September 2009, I have set up a routine. I have made exercise a part of my life the same way work and laundry and watching my favorites shows are. And I as scared that a week of no exercise would really mess that.

Also, last week I wasn't allowed "to push myself" so that was hard too, though important. As those small workouts were killer in ways they haven't been in awhile.

Thankfully, I'm back on track with my exercise. Now I'm working out trying to get back on track with eating much better. My big issue is my hatred of cooking, especially after a long work day. So I'm trying to plan ahead and figure out healthy meals that can be reheated or quickly tossed together.