Thursday, December 31, 2009

ready to leave 2009 eating dust behind me...

“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” ― Hal Borland


I wish I could say that I woke up this morning feeling profound and thinking about all the good and bad of 2009. Maybe this would've been the case if it weren't for the icky snow on the ground and the horrible commute to work, which just left me with a frustrated feeling that I'm still trying to let go of. Basically, it made hate 2009 even more. Sure, it wasn't my favorite year, starting off at the end of January with the out-of-nowhere death of my mother, but there were good moments too. And it's like all of that got lost in the grief of my mother's death and my own issues. After all, how can a year be okay in some ways when you lost your mother? How can you be happy about things? It's something I'm still trying to work out in my head.

Obviously, I had my good share of ups and downs, but with the new year, i want to focus on the positive. I want 2010 to be an amazing year, which I know doesn't mean perfect as whose life works like that, and I think the best way to bring that about is to go in thinking about what I have accomplished to move me forward.

Things I accomplished in 2009:

1) Lost 40 pounds. It's been a hard road at times, and I still struggle, but I've managed to incorporate working out into my life and cut out all caffeine and soda from my diet. Last month, after months of no soda at all, I decided that a glass of soda on Thanksgiving wouldn't kill me. i was worried it might be a slippery slope back into my horrible soda addiction, but it turns out, I don't know what I really saw in soda to begin with. I guess I had given myself enough time to realize it wasn't actually good.

2) Seeking out therapy. I've always had my issues, but I was raised in an Irish Catholic family where you don't talk about feelings and repressing things is so great. And despite my doctor always suggesting I see someone, I would put it off. After my mother died, I really decided I needed to talk to someone. Because I was having so many emotions bubble to the surface. I loved my mother but ours wasn't always the best relationship. We were close in some ways and so very far apart in many others. Mostly, we just didn't get each other. And when my dad died when i was eleven, so began our very tumultuous relationship.

I'm still not that great with therapy. I even tell my therapist that because it's so engrained in me not to talk about feelings and trying to unearth reality from my own perceptions...and to do all this without feeling like I'm putting it all on my dead mother when she can't defend herself. It's a learning process. But at least I've started the journey.

3) Meditation. I began practicing meditation in 2009. I usually meditate for about twenty minutes at least four times a week. it took me awhile to realize it was okay not to get it right away. I'm one of those people who feels like if I can't be perfect at something immediately it might not be worth my time, so it was a challenge. But I stuck with it. And it's just a nice little break in my day that's all for me to unwind.

4) Standing up for myself. I'm not 100% there on this, but I think I've always confused being a good family member/friend with being a doormat. And I think all of the above helped me realize that sometimes it's okay to put myself first. sometimes it's not a sign of bad friendship on my part when I need to walk away from someone who is constantly negative and takes me for granted. sometimes it's okay to stand by my own choices and not be talked into what other people want for me.

Anyway, as I look at this, I don't think 2009 was entirely bad. I've learned a lot of lessons about life. And I am one of those people that believes things happen for reasons that we might not understand...I didn't want to lose my mother, but I think it did force me to grow up in some ways that I hadn't and to take stock of how fleeting life can be. I made the decision to be present in my life and 2009 gave me that.

Doesn't let it off the hook for everything though.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

win a pair of Uggs

I have to share this because it is made of awesome. if you've never worn a pair of Uggs you are missing heaven. Seriously the most comfortable shoe/boot I've ever worn.

ugg boots

week 10 - 100 miles fitness.



My goal for the second round, along with the actual miles is to get my posting done on Friday. it's just a crazy day for me for some reason...though I'd like to say it's because I'm working out.

(December 12th-December 18th)

Saturday - 0 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 4 miles
Tuesday - 0 miles
Wednesday - 4 miles
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 3 miles

total miles = 14 miles. I didn't think it would be so hard at the holidays to find time to get workouts in, but it's been crazy. I really want to get back to five days a week again, but right now I feel like a chicken with its head cut off (which, where did that saying originate? Do chickens actually run around after their heads have been chopped off? nevermind, I don't want to know)

Part of those miles, have been accumulating since I started a bootcamp regime. I started as a beginner and could barely complete the thing and now I'm doing all the way through advanced. it's still the longest 60 minutes of my life (every single time I do it - I cry a little inside), but when this challenge started, I never thought I'd make it to the advanced level. In fact, when i started bootcamp, I was like, "You people are nuts. I'm never leaving beginner!" And here I am a few months later.

If you aren't a part of the challenge now, there is a second round that's going on and you can sign up here

And now to make it through the holidays, still exercising and watching what I eat. fruit is food, not junk...fruit is friend, not junk...

Friday, December 11, 2009

weeks 8 & 9

Does it make flaking on posting my results any better if I say I was working out? Because I have been pushing myself to workout, but still can't get my lazy, sleep, oh-it's-nice-and-warm-in-this-bed butt up earlier to do it before work. So, at the end of a workday, I eat, workout, wash up, and go to bed to do it all over again. As for the weekend...uh, I have no real excuse. Except last weekend I was moving furniture all of Saturday night (don't worry, I didn't count that in my exercise) and Sunday I was exhausted because of it. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.



I have to admit that it's getting harder to park far away from places as it's getting really cold. It's not the walking, but the cold that bothers me. I have taken to being a weirdo in the office who randomly does bicep curls with a ream of paper in each hand while waiting for my copies. I'm pretty sure I'm broken.

(November 28th-December 4th)

Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 3 miles
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 0 miles
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 4 miles

Total for this week is 17 miles. It helped that I was on vacation, so I had more time to just go all-out with my workouts than I do when I'm working.

(December 5th-11th)

Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 3 miles
Tuesday - 0 miles
Wednesday - 0 miles
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 2 miles

Total for the week 12 miles.

As proof, this week was crazy work, so I only got the bare minimum in. However, I've come a long way with this challenge if my bare minimum is this now. And this makes me proud of myself. It's the funniest things I notice now, showing that I'm slowly getting in shape. I'm not where I *want* to be, but if I stick with it and continue to expand my range, I'll get there.

Still need to get better about adding yoga and tai chi into my routine. I'm thinking it will be a little easier now as I have switched in the master bedroom of my house and have plenty of room to do put my mat and blocks out right here on a more comfortable floor. That's if I stop listening to my morning demon brain.

I'm also hoping to get back to 5 days as week if possible with workouts as I'm doing another round of Biggest Loser on the Weight Watchers boards - go team Green. It really keeps me motivated.

Friday, November 27, 2009

week 6 & 7 check in

I totally blanked on recording my time for week 6. I remembered it yesterday and decided it was best to wait and breakdown both weeks.



I did remember to exercise. I am getting better at pushing through the, "Ehhh...must I do this? It's hard work." I doubt I will ever be a fitness guru or the girl who starts talking about how awesome exercise it. I continue to think of it as a necessary evil to not only losing weight, but a healthier lifestyle.

While I don't count it here, I have also gotten better about parking far away from stores, taking stairs, and randomly doing leg kicks and arm presses at home and at work (which has garnered a few stares when I've been caught in my office).

(November 14th-20th)

Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 2 miles
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 0 miles
Thursday - 4 miles
Friday - 1 mile

Total for this week is 14 miles.

(November 21st-27th)

Saturday - 4 miles
Sunday - 2 miles
Monday - 4 miles
Tuesday - 0 miles
Wednesday - 4 miles
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 2 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 19 miles.

I kicked it up a notch this past week to prepare and deal with Thanksgiving. I wanted to be able to be decadent without feeling guilty (which only leads to issues for me), so I planned on a heavy workout routine for the week. Next week, I'm going back to aiming for 4/5 days - three really strong workouts and two easier ones.

I really love this challenge and the Biggest Loser Challenge I've been doing for the month of November because it's pushing me a bit. I keep thinking in the back of my head about the goals I have to make.

Moment of pride: I had started doing the Biggest Loser BootCamp workout on rainy days and such. I have finally worked up to where I can make it through the advanced level. It's a killer workout and my arms tend to just hang there afterward, probably wondering, "Why do you punish us like this? Don't you remember when you (we) were lazy? It was nice." When I first started the thing I thought there was no way I could do it, I barely made it through level one, but I am at the advanced level.

This week: I need to get some yoga/stretching into my regime.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

week 5 - check in

This is really late and I apologize. last week was crazy. I was sick, life was busy, and then I was playing catch up all weekend.



So I go from very good week, to decent week. I'm not going to berate myself because three days of workouts is more than I used to get in before this challenge and weight watchers. But this week, I do want to strive to get back to that five days. while I doubt I will ever be an exercise enthusiast, I do like the feeling of being in shape. Not walking up two flights of stairs and getting winded.

Saturday - 3 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 0 miles
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 0 miles
Thursday - 0 miles
Friday - 2 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 8 miles.

Goals for this week: get exercise in, even if it's just a short walk in the morning and one in the evening.

Monday, November 9, 2009

week 4 - check in



I'm a tad bit late inputting this information for last week, but it was a very good week for me. I got in exercise 5 out of 7 days. I'm really proud of myself for that. Some days I was able to push harder than others, but overall, I think this challenge (and the Biggest Loser challenge) is helping with the motivation. And it's always nice being able to walk up stairs without getting out of breath.

Saturday - 2 miles
Sunday - 2 miles
Monday - 3 miles
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 1 miles
Thursday - 0 miles
Friday - 3 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 14 miles.

Good lord. You know, until I just saw that number of miles, it didn't really hit me. I'm used to just focusing on the day and pushing myself with the small "just keep going to that tree" and then "Okay, now just push yourself to that fire hydrant" so I don't think about the total number.

Yay!

**

Yesterday wasn't the best day for me foodwise - I still got a workout in - but I was able to go to Old Navy and purchase some REWARDs for myself as some of my clothes are starting to swim on me. Can't complain too much about that. Although, I wish I wasn't quite so poor.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

week 3 - check in



This wasn't my best week as far as exercise goes. On the three days that I actually did exercise, I owned it, if I do say so. Owned it for me anyway, considering I've only been exercising for about five weeks again.

Saturday - 3 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 0 miles
Tuesday - 0 miles
Wednesday - 3 miles
Thursday - 0 miles
Friday - 3 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 9 miles.

I'm hoping this week to be more consistent in my work outs and stop letting myself off the hook with excuses like "it's raining" or "work exhausted me." It's not that they might not be true, but I also know I can't just keep exercise for days that meet some perfect standard.

Along with this challenge, I'm doing a Biggest Loser challenge through Weight Watchers to push for exercise and total weight loss for the month.

**

This week was a long one and I was feeling more than a little melancholy. No real reason for it, but it was hard to really push through it. I'm hoping this week to at least exercise four days and I think it's time to start working out before work again, as that way I can't come up with excuses as the day wears on to get out of it.

Friday, October 23, 2009

week 2 - check in



That plan to step it up a notch this week? Didn't quite work out as well as I hoped. I'd like to put it all on the craziness that was the week - I've had a different doctor appointment every day, which I've been using my lunch hour for and class on tuesday night. Usually, I like to get in a walk on my lunch break in addition to whatever other exercise I need to do, but this week, no time for that.

Saturday - 3 miles
Sunday - 0 miles
Monday - 1 mile
Tuesday - 1 mile
Wednesday - 0 miles
Thursday - 3 miles
Friday - 2 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 10 miles. Wow, I did better than last week! Who knew?

I have to say that this challenge is really helping me with sticking with my routine. Sundays are still hard days for me to get moving as I really enjoy lazy Sundays, especially when the weather is cold and rainy.

**

In other news, I've been thinking about things I could use this journal for. I'm reading Be by AC Ping and it's enlightening on some levels. I've also been meditating lately and it all leads me to this path on things I want to do with my life, figuring out my purpose, messing up along the way, but not hating myself for it...none of the above am I very good at it.

Friday, October 16, 2009

week 1 check in






So this week hasn't been my best as far as exercise.  Wednesday and Thursday were losses due to a cold and bad weather, and I didn't exercise on Saturday, but I did get four workouts in this week anyway.

Sunday - 3 miles
Monday - 1 mile
Tuesday - 2 miles
Wednesday/Thursday - 0
Friday - 3 miles

Total for the week (Saturday-Friday) is 9 miles.

Not too bad, but I'm going to have to step it up, I think.  Just need to pull out some warmer clothing and get a pair of new headphones (as mine are on their last legs).

**

In other news, weekend is upon us and my only plans are to light a fire and read a lot.  Maybe watch some movies.  It's the perfect sort of thing for this kind of weather.

Monday, October 12, 2009

I'm undertaking a challenge

I've been trying to figure out what to use this blog for, aside from just a way to follow/comment on a bunch of blogs. I admit it, I'm a livejournal girl. It's easy-peasy and a real blog would require real thought.


But I went ahead and signed up for:


I've been working out for about two weeks and I figure this could provide the motivation I need to stick with it, especially as it starts to get cold and I try to come up with various excuses for why I shouldn't go walking.

Anyway, it's a start for something to use this for, I guess. I have a lot of ideas buzzing about in my head - it's a scary place - but I'm never sure how to articulate in an interesting matter.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

so...

I use this more to read other blogs than to actually post. I leave thinky-thoughts to my other journal, or much more likely, in my brain so it can seep out in evil ways right before I fall asleep.

There's also the fact that i'm not sure there is much for me to share. I've been doing a lot lately to try to grow as a person, learn knew things and make the most of my time. All, of course, coming about due to my mother's sudden death back in January. It only drove home how much I put off until tomorrow, and who knows how many more of those anyone gets?

Maybe that's something I can use this place for. Simple meanderings on thinks I want to accomplish, learn, and cross off of my bucket list.