Artist's Way Check-In: Yes, I'm still on the journey

I've been incredibly lackadaisical about posting my progress on my Artist's Way journey and offering support and encouragement to my fellow travelers.  One of the things I wrote about in my morning pages this morning was how I was going to make a better effort on both of those matters.  I fell behind a few weeks ago - never really recovering from the idea of a break from reading and such...and just flailing at my own inability to give it up and wondering if my fighting the need for the break is a sign that I really need to do it or just hey, I love reading and it's one of the ways I relax after crazy work.

I've been doing the other chapter work.  Chapter six's tasks were different for me because it wasn't just writing and pondering so much as doing things.  I managed to go through some clothes and picked up bags to finally go through all my mom's stuff.  UGH!  I have put this off for so long, but it's like this albatross around my neck.  I'll feel more free once it's done, but it seems so permanent and hard in a way.

Chapter Seven, I'm still working on some of the tasks even though we're into chapter eight.  I'm trying to take my time with each exercise but I also go through periods of time where I want nothing to do with the journey.  My censor is trying to hold on tight to things.  But this chapter...I highlighted and notated so much.  Everything about perfection and risks, I can truly relate.  I always find myself dissecting sentences that I write simply because I imagine it could be so much better.  Whenever I go to continue to writing on a project, I feel compelled to read back over everything from before.  And risks - I like to hide behind being a Virgo and practical by nature, but I often fear the simplest risks.  It was good to read this and not only go AHA! I'm not alone!  but to know that I can combat it, no matter how hard.

Morning pages:  i've missed a few random days since July, but I'm usually really good about getting up and doing my pages first thing in the morning.  It's become part of my routine.  It's mostly a dumping ground for dreams and things I need to do and blahs, but it does help to unclutter my mind.

Artist's Dates:  I've been horrible with these over the past month or so.  My sister, who normally works Saturdays, has been off the last couple of Saturdays and we end up doing some of our couponing.  I know she would understand if I was like, "I need to go do my artist's date" but I never bring it up.  I'm still struggling with this idea of playtime just for me and doing things that don't cost money (as it's super tight).  Can going to Barnes & Noble, buying a new release you've been waiting for, and reading it in one sitting count?

This process has helped me in some ways.  I'm more open to being crafty, even if it's not my forte, and just trying new creative things that in the past I viewed as off-limits.  I am setting up a small craft area in our family room in the corner.  We're going to make some shelving and put in two tables - one for the sewing machine and one just to play on...and organize all the crafts and materials.  I'm excited about this, just need to clear out the space.

Now I'm off to do some work and then check in on everyone's journeys.

Edit:  In my long-winded update, I somehow managed to forget to answer the weekly questions on this week's check-in.

1) Morning pages:  have you been tempted to read back?  Yes, I have.  I'm onto notebook three of my morning pages and I was thinking this weekend it might be interesting to see what I wrote, but I don't know if I'm quite ready.  There is a lot of negativity in those pages and I'm not sure I'm far enough away from it yet.  Also, as is the case on many days, i sometimes find myself writing, "Not sure what else to say"

2)  Artist's Date:  Terrible with these.  I have to get out of my own way with this.  The whole "perfection" theme of the chapter works well in regards to this.  I put so much focus on the need to do something fun that I get anxiety and do nothing.  I just need to find some really cheap, fun and creative things to do.  No pressure.

3)  See the whole long diatribe above.

Artist Way: Check-In - Chapter 3 (Week 1)

Another week has flown by and we're at the halfway point for chapter three of the Artist's Way journey.  I realize I missed last week to update everyone on where I was with chapter two.  To be honest, it's because untill Saturday, I wasn't done with the tasks for chapter two.  This past weekend was one of playing catch-up on tasks and reading chapter three.

Chapter 2 Wrap-Up

How are your daily pages going?   Very good.  I did my pages every single day.  Most of them mornings and the full three pages.  Last week, with sickness and sleepiness, there were a few mornings where they were "not quite morning pages" and I am noticing a difference in the own perspective on the days when I start out getting the crap in my head out onto the page.

Gone anywhere nice for your artist date?   on July 30, I went to the Fine Arts Festival at Cooper River Park.  I walked around for about forty minutes, loving so much of the work their, wishing I could paint/draw/create like that, and wishing I had lots of money to buy things.  I was a window-shopper at the festival.  I took a few business cards from places like The Alpha Canvas and Painterly Photography by Linda McAdams.  


This past weekend, on August 6, I took some time to do my tasks from chapter two and read chapter three.  After doing the tasks, I decided to bake, heat be damned, and I made some brownies. I miss baking.  I used to do it a lot more.  My issue is that I try not to eat so many sweets these days, but I enjoy baking.  I think I just need to start making it for work and such!

Which was your favourite task? I found task #3 to be my favorite - the twenty things.  It was interesting to see what popped into my head and how long it had been for some of the items.  It's been over fifteen years since I rode a regular bicycle and considering how close I live to the Jersey shore, it's been way to long since I walked on the beach.  Interesting stuff to see written out.


Did you put one of them aside lightly?  Once I actually sat down to do the tasks, I did them all.  I'll admit that Task # 2 - Where does my time go - was hard simply because I waste a lot of time.  I know this, but never seem to stop myself.  


I don't think I had any tantrums, but then again, I did avoid doing the work for a week, and I'm always best at avoidance.  Maybe that was my way of throwing a tantrum - trying to wish it away by ignoring it.

One thing I had fun doing - I decided that my notebook for my tasks and writing during the Artist's Way journey was too boring, so I created a collage.

my writing notebook after collage

Chapter 3 - Week 1 (Kinda/Sorta)

I did my morning pages every day.  Most of the time they do continue to serve as a place to just dump out the random blahs in my head, my worries, my to do list, and snippets of dreams I remember.  I wonder if there does come a time when it becomes just lovely writing...I'm not too worried as I know I'm doing the writing and these are things that tend to bog down my brain.

This week's artist's date didn't have me leave the house, so I'm not sure it qualified as a date per se, but I allotted time just for the Artist Way tasks and reading and then I baked, something I haven't done in too long. And my brownies were yummy.

Daily Affirmations:  I'm trying to expand my use of daily affirmations in my morning pages.  I always use the same ones and avoid a lot of them.  Working on that.

I found this line from chapter three (p. 62) so true, and yet something I never really think about: "Anger is not the action itself.  It is the action's invitation."

Tomorrow I'm hoping to catch up on everyone else's journeys as I'm about to sign off the computer for the day.  I still haven't been able to find my motivation to be online after work lately - I just wanted to finish this post before I forgot.

Artist's Way Check-In: Week 3 - Chapter 2, Part 1

I've done my morning pages every day and every day in the morning!  Today was a close call where I almost thought about putting it off, but I just sucked it up and got up and did some writing.  I also had my first creative breakthrough today in a long while.  It wasn't while I was writing my morning pages, but on my way to work, a song I've listened to a million times before, got me thinking about this idea.  And a few minutes later I had a potential title and a main character and the first few sentences to a prologue. 

Artist's date - I did keep my artist's date this past Saturday.  I so wanted to not do it, coming up with several excuses for why I didn't have to do it, but I did.  I went to the dollar store and perused the arts & crafts section and picked up a few things without breaking the budget.  Then I went to the library and picked up a book on drawing for beginners and doodled in my new pad while drinking a Slushie (it was just so hot and it was yummy!).  This week, if not's excruciatingly hot, I'm going to the Fine Arts Festival at Cooper River Park.  It's free and could be interesting.

I've read chapter two and reviewed "Basic Priniciples" on page 3 a few times - I even typed them up and taped a copy in my notebook - but I haven't done any of the tasks yet.  I took some notes and highlighted my book and realized a few things, which I did write down.  Mostly, I realized why I've never made it through/past chapter two when I previously tried to do the Artist's Way. 

"Blocked creatives are easily manipulated by guilt." - Chapter 2, pg 43

This chapter deals a lot with crazymakers and poisonous playmates...and looking back, my life was overrun with both.  I've slowly managed to cull a lot of that out and I've been working in therapy in lessening the voice of my mother, the biggest crazymaker in my life, in my head.  I read over the list of the ways the crazymaker can keep us from becoming unblocked and I've fallen victim to all of those in the past and sometimes I still do.  It's so hard to not just realize logically but actually get to the place where I can put myself first without the guilt.  I'm trying though.  I don't think I was ready to face the journey the last time, but this time, I feel like I can do it.

For the remainder of the week I need to work on some of the tasks and Saturday, here's to another artist's date.  Maybe once I get the hang of Saturday morning dates by myself, I can add an extra date in the week, but right now I'm still out of my comfort zone with just the one and I don't want to set myself up for failure.

I'm really enjoying this journey with the Artist's Way group and taking our time with each chapter and not stressing about it. 

Artist's Way - check in (end of week 2)

I'm so behind on posting my check-ins, but the Artist's Way group finished with Chapter One and we're underway with chapter two.  I must get better with getting on my computer more in my non-working hours.  I think part of the reason, despite hating getting up extra early, that the morning pages are working for me is that I just need a notebook.  And I've been doing most of my writing and tasks in a notebook as well - I used to love getting on the computer after work no matter what, but lately, I'm just drained after using it all day at work.  I need to still set aside some time to check-in in a timely fashion.

So, I finished with Chapter One on Sunday and began Chapter two.  It was a hard start for me in some areas - I kept procrastinating and putting things off.  Even though I started with the group on July 3rd, aside from morning pages, the first week, I really didn't do much except read the intro and first chapter.

1) Have you been doing your pages?

I've done my morning pages every day.  Though, as I've mentioned before, some days they're called "Not Quite Morning Pages" if I'm running late in the morning before work.  rather than blowing them off completely or referring to myself as an abject failure, I've decided that if I miss them in the morning, while not ideal, it's still better to do the pages when I have a moment of time (usually my lunch break).  It has definitely been, as Julia Cameron mentions in the book, mostly a negative dumping ground for me at times.  Or thinking about all that I have to do.  Or recalling dreams.  No profound writing has come out of it yet, but I'm doing it. 

2) Have you been on an artist date? Share! Pics are cool, so we can see the world through your eyes.

I did not have any artist dates during the last two weeks.  I've been trying to figure it out and put aside the time for myself, but I'd get sidetracked with plans and life and excuses to avoid it.  It is on my calendar for this Saturday morning and I think I'm just going to do something simple like pick up a coloring book and doodle/color.  Since money is currently tight, I'm trying to think of simple things that are free.  At some point I might go over to Philly and visit the museum...and once it cools down a bit, I'll take a walk or two...but for now, I'm trying to work out some ideas for time alone where I can have fun and play.  I admit it still feels weird.  How sad is it that this will probably be one of the hardest parts for me?

3) Have you written a task? Yay for you! More than one?

I worked on the pick a job you'd like to have list, however, I didn't do any of the things based around if I had another job.  I wrote out about my three biggest critics on the creative journey and it was interesting and sad and I found myself crying when I wrote it.  I began to do the one about cheerleaders, but I stopped myself.  Just further proof that I tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive. 

I've also been doing the daily affirmations, which aside from the Artist's Date, is probably the hardest part for me.  I have been writing down the evil Censor voice with it.  But every time I write, "I, Marianne, am a talented person," I still wince and think, "Not really.  You suck."  Stupid censor. 

I will continue working daily affirmations into my morning pages, keep my Artist's Dates, and stop procrastinating on reading/completing tasks.

Artist's way check in - week 2 (chapter 1)

Time to check-in on my current Artist's Way journey for the group.  Last week I said I had been really good about getting up early enough to do my morning pages before work.  I have managed to continue that for the most part, but there were a few days where the morning pages became "not quite morning pages."  I still did the three pages of writing in quiet, but one day it was during my lunch break and another it was once I got to work, but before the day started (I am habitually early for work as I live in fear of being late).

The morning pages still feel like work to me at this point.  It's something I'm doing because I should not because I want to.  As I've been reading the beginning of The Artist's Way I feel a little less annoyed with myself about this - it seems that there are a lot of us who initially do it without a great love for it.  Currently the writing tends to be a lot of my random, negative thoughts, things I don't want to do, things I have to do, and if I can remember, my dreams from the night before. 

I haven't done an artist's date yet.  I haven't set one into my schedule either.  I think I'll aim to do one on Saturday morning, but I have no idea what to do.  I'm not a one-with-nature sort of girl, especially when it's so hot out, and I'm pathetically broke at the moment.  A part of me just wants to set aside an hour to color and draw, but I'm not sure if that counts?

To others on this journey:  what are some of your favorite artist dates?

I signed my Artist's Way contract.  I've printed out a picture of Kreacher from Harry Potter, who I envision to look like my censor, and I reviewed the rules.  However, I haven't done any of the exercises yet. 

Is there an Artist's Way group for really bad procrastinators?

time to stop hiding from my writing...

So I've managed to do morning pages for the past three days!  I'm taking part in the Artist's Way journey and I have to admit I was worried about the morning pages.  Mostly because I'm not a morning person.  I like to do everything at night so I can sleep until the last possible second to leave for work.  Waking up a half hour earlier has been hard, but I'm hoping the pay off will be worthwhile in the end.  I just worry that I'll feel like this is some sort of punishment and stop doing it.  I know it's not logically, but sometimes logic is the furthest thing from my brain.

I do look forward to the moment when I feel unburdened in my morning pages and the words simply flow.  Right now it's a lot of "i dreamed about this" and "i'm feeling like this..."  I know there is no right or wrong way to do morning pages, but again with the whole logic thing.

I have not started the chapter work yet outside of the morning pages.  And I wonder if I'll be any good at making and keeping artist's dates for myself.

**

In other news it is Wishcasting Wednesday.  I wanted to get to this earlier than normal before work gets busy. 

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to make progress on?

courtesy of we heart it

I feel like I'm in the middle of so many things while in the middle of one long journey.  I learn, I fall back a little, I move forward, and sometimes I'm so tired, I make camp and stop for a bit.  It's time to stop resting though and conquer. 

I thought long and hard about this question and decided to go with my gut instinct and the first answer that popped into my head.  I wish to progress with my writing.  I've been putting in more time and taking part in writing challenges to take me out of my comfort zone and undertaking the Artist's Way to help increase my creativity.  But I need to also believe in the words that come out of my head and allow them room to breathe and grow.  I wish to be able to sit at the computer and not worry so much about just the right word or the blinking cursor and let my fingers do the talking...and go wherever it takes me.  I wish to finish pieces I start, understanding it might not be a masterpiece, might never be more than something I wrote, but that is enough.