Thursday, June 28, 2012

Row 80: a newbie try

I heard about Row 80 a little while ago, but between life and the fact that it was already in the middle of a round, I figured it was better to put it off (I know, story of my life and something I'm working on). Round 3 starts on July 2, 2012 and I've decided to take part.  I've done writing challenges before and I do find that the accountability and goal-setting tends to help me more than it harms me.  Over the years, I've learned to keep it challenging but reasonable, based on what is going on in my life and what I can honestly undertake.  I've learned the hard way what unrealistic goals lead to and it's never pretty.

I'm still percolating on the specific goals that I want to accomplish and I have a few days to finalize, but overall I want to:

  • write every day
  • get back to my Artist's Way morning pages (which would be in addition to my write every day word count)
  • write at least two stories

interesting day in the world...

I usually keep politics out of this blog.  It's not that I'm embarrassed of my leanings.  I'm a liberal, Jersey girl, and I'm proud of that, but usually it doesn't affect the things I'm battling in my day-to-day life.  So I keep it out of the blog and leave it to my twitter and such.  

But I have to comment on how happily surprised I am by the Supreme Court's decision to uphold the Affordable Care Act, including the mandate.  I definitely did not expect Chief Justice Roberts to be the one to uphold the 5-4 ruling.  Again, pleasantly surprised.  I partially think part of it was that when he was confirmed, he spent a great deal of time talking about the importance of separating politics and the judicial branch.  And it's also been rumored that he's been upset by the views the American public currently have of the Supreme Court (that it is, in fact, majorly political), so I wonder if that affected it?  I'm sure there are many scholars who will talk about this ad nauseam better than I could, so I'll leave that to them.  I'll just say that I'm glad it was upheld and all the crazy tea party people (who I still maintain don't understand history or the real tea party) swearing we now live in a dictatorship sure don't seem to think that way when it comes to a woman controlling her own body.  I think this is good for the country.  It's good for the people to have health care and it's good for the economy.


In other news, building on yesterday's wischasting, I received this daily email as a reminder:

On this day of your life, Mare, I believe God wants you to know...
...that it is never safe to look into the future with eyes
of fear.

Edward H. Harriman said that, and he was right. Nothing
is fearful lest thinking make it so. I can honestly say that
probably 95% of the things I was afraid of, it turned out
I had no reason to be. 

And even if the thing you fear what? Again,
95% of the time your world is not going to fall apart, your
life will not be in danger. So drop fear by the wayside.
Just... let it go. Then make way for a surprising tomorrow.

I'm trying not to let fear reign over my daily life.  I know fear will never completely go away, I think it's just part of the genetic make-up of most of us, but I can learn how not to let it control everything.  It's hard, but I'm working on it. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

holding onto faith

Dear universe:

I'm trying to understand your plans for me.  I'm trying to be optimistic and hopeful and not give up on my dreams.  But I feel like every time I start to get a grip on life and what I need to do and where I need to go, something new happens.  Like ending up in the emergency room with a kidney infection.  What are you trying to teach me?  What am I missing here?  Because, no offense, some days, it's really hard to have faith.

A questioning Mare


It's Wishcasting Wednesday, my friends!  This is always a favorite.

Today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep.  In dreams you will lose your heartaches.  Whatever you wish for, you keep.  Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through.  No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true." - Cinderella (Disney version)

You would think a question like this should be easy enough.  If it's in your heart, it should leap out of the page (or website) and hit you right in the gut, making everything suddenly make sense.  Of course, nothing in life really is so simple, at least not for me, and I've been pondering this question for the better part of twenty minutes.  What is my heart's wish?'s...wish?

To learn to overcome my own fears and worries that I'm just not good enough and just do the things that I know will make me happy.  I'm the queen of second guessing every little thing and I just want to live more in the moment, do what I feel is right and not worry so much about every possible catastrophe.  I feel like I need to remind myself that I'm much stronger than I think to give myself credit for.  I've survived a lot in my life and I'll survive more.  I am capable and deserving.

So I guess, my heart's wish is to stop being afraid of the "what if" all the time.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

to be delighted...

It seems that as soon as I feel like "hey, things are ok," I am reminded how sad my state of affairs currently is.  I just had to spend money on a new washer and dryer, only to find out that people who had my house before made some sort of makeshift draining system that confounded my plumber (it's never good to hear, "I'm not sure how your basement hasn't flooded by now") and cost nine hundred dollars to fix.  Seriously, universe, what are you trying to tell me?  What do I need to learn so I can move on from the woe-is-me phase of things?

In good news, I managed to get my room cleaned and decluttered.  Next is the stockpile from couponing.  My sister and I have enough toothpaste to last a few years at this point (and I didn't pay for any of it - viva la coupons!), but it was just all over the place.  I finally had to put my foot down as our house was starting to look like an episode of Hoarders.

Slowly trying to get rid of my mother's stuff.  I have finally let go of any feelings of sentimentality and guilt that I've had about the possibility of selling/donating/trashing her things.  Both her and my father were pack rats and I'm drowning in stuff.  Argh.

Also good - I have been off all soda for 47 days today.  It has not been easy and some days I really want a Coke, but I drink my water and if I need something sweet, I have a glass of Newman's Own Lemonade.  I now want to turn my success with soda into success with snacking.

Even better than good?   Today is wishcasting Wednesday.  I've been neglecting the lovely circle of wishcasters and I resolve to correct that immediately.

Today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"Quit hanging on to the handrails....Let Go.  Surrender.  Go for the ride of your life.  
Do it every day." - Melodie Beattie

Building on what I wrote above, I wish to delight in some sense of stability and organization in my life.  I feel like things are in chaos - emotionally and physically - and I keep having these dreams of just packing up my car with what I need and moving on.  No strings attached.  Nothing to hold me back.  While I'm not quite ready to just abandon my house and job and such, I do think my subconscious wants me to free myself a bit.  

I wish to breathe easily, without fear and what if thoughts bogging me down.  I wish to delight in all the small triumphs I make on my way and to remember them when things are tough and I need proof that I am capable.  I wish to feel like I'm flying or riding in a ferris wheel like the one in the picture, looking out into the distance, wind brushing against my cheeks and the sun giving way to night.  Free and happy.

What do you wish for?