Wednesday, March 7, 2012

the universe and self-esteem and a wish or two or three...

Apparently the universe doesn't want to hear me whine.  I had this whole little spiel typed out about my own meanness toward myself and how I don't feel like I'm moving forward in fixing myself and how frustrating it is.  Bah.  It continues to be the great issue of my life.  I have no self esteem and while it began with my mother, I learned to go with it and I'm just so hard on myself.  It's hard to have self esteem when you constantly hate yourself for ridiculous and untrue reasons.  It's the getting it through my head that I'm not this monster I've conjured that is the trouble.  Sometimes it's hard to see how far I've come with therapy over the past three years, but the I am a lot better, just impatient and too hard on myself.

But it's March and the weather here is gorgeous and I'm finally free of the plague and sinus woes and allergic reactions that caused me to break out in hives.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I woke up today feeling like I could conquer the world.  I wish I could bottle that feeling so I'd have it for the not-so-great-days.

Also on the bright side, it's wishcasting wednesday, and today Jamie asks:

courtesy of we heart it

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." - EE Cummings

I have to admit, on first glance at this question, I didn't really have an immediate answer that popped out of me.  Usually, I just know the answer, but today, I found myself going back and forth and really thinking about this.  What is my spirit wishing for?

And I think it falls in line with my therapy today and all the emotions bogging me down and how I treat myself.  My spirit is wishing for healing and compassion and some acknowledgement that the two are intertwined.  I need to be patient and understanding with myself, the same way I would be with someone else.

So it's actually kind of simple and yet oh-so-hard.

What's your wish?

As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also!


Jill said...

As you wish for yourself, so I also wish for you.

Beth McLarnan said...

Oh, to love yourself just the way you are and to have compassion for your struggles is HUGE! It seems to take a lot of work to let go of all the lies you once believed were truths, but work worth doing! I applaud your willingness to keep at it. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also!

Jeanette said...

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also. :)

Karina said...

Difficult task to love ourselves and not always try to do more in order to be loved. I struggle with being kind to myself too. Great wish and if you find a way to bottle great feelings for rainer days I'm interested ; ).

As you wish for yourself so I wish for you also

Sam said...

Accepting ourseleves & all our imperfections is not easy, but I believe so, so worth the effort! As I'm typing this "I am Beautiful" by Christina Agulera is playing on the radio (how's that for synchronicity :).

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you!!

(p.s. LOVE e.e. cummings!)