here's to life...

courtesy of We Heart It

Today has been a good day.  I find that I complain enough when life is rough or I'm frustrated or particularly sullen, so I need to acknowledge when things are good as well.  I feel in sync with the universe and I'm noticing the small things that are going my way - rainy day with grocery store run needed, but there was a spot up close and no line!

The past couple of weeks, the last month, have not been my finest hours.  It was the anniversary of my mother's death at the end of January and then my father's death last week.  I got hit with this cold-infection-thing going around that takes awhile to go away and it got really bad last week.  My psychiatrist changed my meds and I was detoxing from caffeine and soda.

I seem to have come out the other end of the tunnel.  I started to feel a bit better yesterday, didn't dread getting out of bed and didn't feel like my body and mind were at war with one another, and today has been good (especially since I stayed up late to watch Oscar stuff). 

I almost stopped to get a soda on my way to work - part habit and part nerves about a work issue - but caught myself. I took a moment to ask myself why I wanted the soda and would it be worth giving up my streak of not drinking any of it.  When I did this, I was able to see that I didn't really want the soda, I was just worried about something that made me feel bad.  This is such a big moment for me and I am so proud of myself.  I caught myself in the moment of possible sabotage and stopped it!

As I read ABCcreativity's weekly intention post, I realized that is how I intend to approach this week.  Acknowledge the good moments, no matter how small or trivial they seem.  Appreciate myself and my accomplishments.  I'm so quick to come down on myself for the smallest issue, but I never allow myself to embrace anything positive if I mentally decide it's a small victory. It doesn't get me anywhere.

I'm going to say things like, "Yay! I've been off soda for a week and caffeine for two and I don't really miss it!" or "I got all of the laundry done!" or "I am finally noticing certain things I do!" and be proud of myself.

It feels weird to type this out - to put it out there - as the little voice in the back of my head tells me not to, that these aren't victories, just things most people can do...

Shut up, stupid monster voice.  I'm not most people and it's okay to be happy with myself.

**

I'm behind on many online things, but I keep reminding myself that the online and blogging world is supposed to be a fun place for me, a place to learn more about myself and express my creativity.  It's not a job that I have to dread and the truth of the matter is that I just wasn't feeling up to being online much. 

Now that I'm feeling better and have a bit of spring in my step, I hope to catch up with the Assessing Your Wellness journey from Rae, to post about my ROW80 and 90 Day Living Write challenges (I have been making my 250 word goal of writing every day - just not remembering to share it or even talk about it), and to add some of my latest book and movie reviews.