Another week's writing workshop from Mama Kat. This week I chose to go with Prompt 5.) Describe a moment when you put your foot in your mouth.
There really are so many options for me to choose from in my life. I have a tendency to simply say whatever pops into my head at any given moment. The lovely censor that most of us possess, the one that says, "Uh...wait, you really don't want to call your friend a filthy bastard" tends to sporadically disappear within the confines of my brain, leaving me to say whatever I want. Sometimes it's good, but usually it's just an UH-OH.
It's mostly prevelant when I'm upset about something. Of course, I think that's when most of us are at our most vulnerable when it comes to what we say. There's a reason the saying "walk away before (I) say something (I) regret" exists.
I was no different the day this story occurred. Luckily, it happened with friends who know me, which makes it a bit easier if not a tad more humiliating (as years later it still comes up in conversation).
I used to be a supervisor in a bank. Despite all of the issues I had with the place, I left with some great friends. One of my friends, Jason, was this really cool, adorable African American dude working to support his girllfriend and baby-on-the-way. I added the race information because it comes into play, not because I walked around like the guy from the Office saying horrible things like, "This is my black friend, Jason."
Jason and I often had long discussions while he was working in drive-thru and I was doing my supervisory stuff in my "office" near drive-thru. We hung out outside of work, my mom often cooked him dinner (where he was such a suck up, always complimenting her and encouraging her to make her strange concoctions, which she tried to pass off as stew), and I have never had any ill-will towards Jay. I wish all guys bould be like him for he is awesome.
And that's actually how this foot-in-the-mouth moment came. I was having major issues with my boyfriend of the time, who had decided the best answer to his cheating on me was for us to get married. I'm not sure how he made that leap, but I've decided to blame it on his Republicanism (sorry to any sane Republicans left out there). I was explaining the latest conversation I had with the boyfriend the night before to Jay because he was so sweet and great with his girlfriend and surely knew what was wrong with this lunatic I dated (outside insane as an answer). By the end of the conversation, which was mostly me talking to him about how evil the boyfriend was rather than an actual back-and-forth conversation, I was so worked up (as I am prone to do as a true drama queen) that I threw my hands up in the air and said very loudly, "I hate your race!"
Jay looked at me with a bemused look. For a second, I was like, "All men stick together..." inner voice drifting away as realization hit and replaced everything with "OhmygodwhatdidIjustsay!"
I turned bright red, reached for his hand and started repeating over and over, "Gender. Gender! I meant gender!"
Jay and another co-worker started to laugh hysterically because I was so appalled with myself. Continuing in my drama-queen-fashion, I managed to spend the rest of the day bemoaning my own idiocy and becoming that white girl who is like, "I'm not racist, I totally know black people and stuff" and that's never good.
Fun times. Sadly, for a foot-in-the-mouth moment, it does make me smile. Not about my inner Rush Limbaugh fighting to escape (EW!), but how well Jay knew me and how he totally didn't blink an eye. We're not as close as we once were seeing as life happens, his baby was born and we all moved onto other places, but I have these great memories of our friendship and the random laughter (usually at my expense) that ensued.