Friday, September 24, 2010

random thought of the day...

That old saying of life is what happens when you make plans. I think it's the story of my life sometimes. Since my mother's death (two years in January), I've been battling with a lot of issues that have been suppressed most of my life and realizing that I didn't want to end up like her. My mother was extremely unhappy at the end of her life and never took care of herself. I felt like it was my job to do it for her, to protect her, and after she died, I felt such a mixture of guilt and relief.

At the end of August, I turned 35 and I decided that this was my year. I'm sick of settling. I followed my mother's foot steps in the worst way and since her death, I've been slowly trying to change that. But I don't push myself. I think up excuses, allow the negative demon voices in my head to rule the day, convincing me I don't deserve happiness.

And it's not true.

And sometimes I just need to write that down or type it out because I wouldn't wish a what if/regret life on anyone, especially myself.

1 comment:

LissaL said...

Don't let those nasty "gremlins" get to you. We all have them. They love to tell you that you CAN'T and will grab you when you are most vulnerable. You've taken your first step-settle for nothing but what is best for you. Let the journey begin:)