Thursday, November 11, 2010

My Catch 22

This week's prompts from Sleep is for The Weak were all quite interesting.  A few of them made me stop and think, but I decided to go with the first.

Catch 22: Are you feeling stuck with no discernible way out of something?

There is this girl in the dryer.  Her eyes peer out toward the world, looking around to see if anyone notices, if anyone sees her there.  Do they?  She has her hands pressed against the glass, palms splayed outward as though to try to push, but not too hard because what if it breaks?  What if she frees herself?  There really is no way she can free herself, after all.  She needs help.  She's not capable of doing it on her own, so she should just deal with being uncomfortable and suck it up.

It's the story of my life lately.  I feel stuck at my day job.  I feel stuck with my writing.  I feel stuck with my weight loss journey.  Everything that was moving along last year at this time has come to a halt, all of my own creation.  I teeter between wanting happiness and feeling like I don't deserve it.  I find ways to set myself up for failure, never celebrating the small victories, but always exaggerating the mistakes.  It's the pattern of the quilt that makes up the years of my life. 

I'm working to change that.  It's baby steps.  I'm only just realizing that I've spent my life doing it, that I've wedged myself into this corner.  I'm slowly starting to set small goals and trying to remind myself to be happy with each success because that gets me closer to what I really want with life and will make me want to keep going.

It won't be easy, but I'm sick of being stuck all the time.  I want to dance and fly and be happy.  


Livi said...

You'll get there, it might take some time but you will get there.
Good luck :)

Anonymous said...

yes, i agree. don't give up, you'll get there! baby steps are steps afterall!!