Entry 1, 8:14 a.m.
Today is a new day! Forget embracing ennui and have fun. It’s time to throw caution to the win, ignore the rules, seize the day, and many other clichés that I can’t think of at the moment. Rule number one to break: the idea that any clear thoughts should be expected this early in the morning.
I’m going to take a mental health day from work. I’ll have a chocolate milkshake for breakfast with a handful of chocolate chip cookies. I’ll dance around my house in my underwear like the female version of Tom Cruise in Risky Business, except without the prostitutes and my song of choice would be “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. I’ll color outside the lines…on purpose. And when I finally leave the house, I’ll jaywalk and drive way over the speed limit.
Entry 2, 8:32 a.m.
I’m starting to feel anxious about taking a mental health day. There is flop sweat and shaking hands. What if my boss finds out? What if I don’t look sick tomorrow? I think I might need to steal my grandmother’s oxygen tank.
Entry 3, 8:42 a.m.
I’m not sure this milkshake for breakfast was a good idea. There was no nutritious value and a whole lot of sugar. Somewhere, Jillian Michaels is crying out in pain and my stomach hurts.
Entry 4, 9:01 a.m.
Dancing around in your underwear is not as easy as it looks. First, my stomach has been in revolt since I had the double chocolate breakfast of milkshake and cookies, and then as I pumped up the music and shook my booty, I could feel my cats judging me. Way harsh.
Entry 5, 9:56 a.m.
I’m getting the hang of this no rules thing. I’m wearing clothes that don’t match and I didn't bother to shower. I did have a momentary lapse where I wondered if I would look homeless rather than rebellious, but decided a true rule breaker just didn’t give a damn. It’s time to jump in the Honda Element, or the speed machine, and go somewhere wild. Rules of the road, I laugh in your face.
Entry 6, 9:57 a.m.
I just can’t do it. Despite my Jersey upbringing, I’m not comfortable barreling down the road way over the speed limit. What if I killed someone, or worse, got pulled over by a cop? On a no-rules type of day would I be expected to respond with smack talk and spit on the officer’s shoes? Is crying to get out of a ticket still allowed? Telling the truth is definitely out – that screams one-way ticket to Crazyville and I have plans this weekend. Maybe some rules were not meant to be broken. Maybe I should stick to jaywalking as a sign of my disdain for traffic regulations everywhere. I guess that’s something.
Entry 7, 10:22 a.m.
Okay, jaywalking was a huge mistake. A man-child on a bicycle in a bright red helmet nearly ran me over and shouted obscenities in my general direction. How rude!
Entry 8, 10:25 a.m.
I’m doing this all wrong. I need to get serious about breaking the rules and defying social norms. It’s time to pull out the Johnny Cash albums for inspiration.
Entry 9, 10:31 a.m.
Wow. Did you know that Johnny Cash once killed a man just to watch him die? That’s a hardcore rule breaker. No wonder prison inmates loved the man.
Entry 10, 11:13 a.m.
Listening to “Boy Named Sue” on repeat has worked wonders for my bah-humbug! to rules day. I drove to Starbucks and parked like an asshole. And I don’t care. If other people don’t think parking spots exist for a reason, why should I?
Entry 11, 11:15 a.m.
Gotcha, Starbucks Barista! She asked me how my day was and I defied social norms and babbled on about how I really was feeling. I told her all the sordid details of my financial woes and plot to (not) rule the world! So what if my financial woes aren't helped by the purchase of a five dollar drink? I’m taking a trip on the wild side.
Entry 12, 11:31 a.m.
I cut an old lady off in line at the bank and I didn’t thank the teller after I took my money.
Entry 13, 11:47 a.m.
I littered. What is wrong with me? I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Entry 14, 12:10 p.m.
I worked on the latest draft of my novel. Forget you, Strunk and White’s Elements of Style. I've got this under control.
Entry 15, 1:00 p.m.
Is it sad when you don’t understand your own writing? He be da fugly man like big tattoos and bald head and he took her traveling through time in a thingy-majig. What does that even mean?
Entry 16, 1:03 p.m.
I can’t take this anymore. Rules exist for a reason. Do I want to live in a Lord of the Flies sort of world? No, I certainly do not. I remember what happened to Piggy – oh, poor fat Piggy.
What was I thinking? I’m a Virgo. Rules were hardwired into my brain at birth and fused together with a dash of perfectionism. Sure, maybe I could learn to let go a little sometimes, but I’m okay living in a world with rules. I wish I could say I had some sort of epiphany like characters from John Hughes movies always have about mundane things, but mostly, I just want to put on some clothes that match and pull my copy of Elements of Style out of the garbage can.
For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge this week, Carrie challenged me with "Ignore the Rules! Doubt Everything! Some rules are meant to be broken" and I challenged Tereasa Trevor with ""It's hard to believe it's already been a year since it happened."
Note: I spent Sunday through Wednesday panicking and pondering what I could do with this prompt. I was over-thinking it, but couldn't stop myself. Finally, I turned to a friend who is also a creative type and said, "help me." Best decision I made because talking to her helped me slowly formulate this piece. And I kinda like it.