Such a long day...

My partner in crime at work is on vacation this week.  Not only am I jealous that she's in sunny Florida, but suddenly things got very busy in the office.  God love them, my bosses seem to thrive on waiting until the very last second to need to get some huge project done rightawaymustbedone.  And I've already been in a mood of sorts the past few days, fighting off a cold and ennui.  Luckily, I sucked it up, went to the gym, and swam my laps on lunch.  As much as exercise annoys me, I do feel better after I do it, and while I'm working out, my mind wanders into such fun places sometimes.  You know, when I'm not groaning and thinking, "Why oh why can't I just pay someone to work out for me and still be healthy?"

Also on the bright side, it's Wishcasting Wednesday!  I love these questions.  It forces me to stop and think, and the questions are always so perfectly timed as to where my mind tends to be.

Where do you wish to grow your confidence?

 

illustration by hugh macleod

Confidence has never been my strong point.  I grew up with a mother who would make me feel so small all the time and say, "I'm your mother, if I can't tell you the truth, who can?"  Now I realize a lot of it was her and her issues, but it has left a lasting impression on me.  I'm only learning over the past few years that I need to stop only seeing myself in such negative ways.

So I wish to grow confidence in myself and through that I'll become stronger and have more faith in my own creativity and strives to live a happy, fulfilled life.

 

stepping into my own and trying to leave anxiety behind

Today has not been my best. I woke up with a bad headache, but took some meds, slept a little more, and used my neti-pot before heading to work. Around ten am, I started to feel queasy and nauseous, so around noon, I just asked the manager in charge if I could use some sick time. I felt like ick.

However, I still had therapy at noon and you can't cancel without paying a fee, so I went and promptly had a panic attack while there. I guess it's one of the better places to have such an attack, if such a thing exists. So, after my session, my therapist told me it was definitely a good idea to go home, rest and such. That's what I've been doing. Meditation helped a bit. So did a Xanax. Yes, one day I would like to be completely off medications, but not quite there yet.

Anyway, it's Wishcasting Wednesday! And that's always a chance to think positively and put that out into the universe for others. I enjoy it and I feel like it might be helpful to me today.

What do you wish to step into?

 courtesy of http://gypsyholic.tumbrl.com/

Over the past year or so I've been slowly discovering my own voice, coming into my own, and realizing things I need/want to do to make my life happier.  Now it's time to accept that knowledge, gather up the confidence in myself to go, and step out into the world I want to create.  I constantly battle with my own right to be happy on my own terms versus the way I was raised.  I'm not regimental and the idea of "growing up" the way my mother wanted isn't who I am.  I'm creative and it's okay to embrace that and find a way to make my life about those things.  Just believe, Mare.  It will be okay and you can do it.

random thought of the day...

That old saying of life is what happens when you make plans. I think it's the story of my life sometimes. Since my mother's death (two years in January), I've been battling with a lot of issues that have been suppressed most of my life and realizing that I didn't want to end up like her. My mother was extremely unhappy at the end of her life and never took care of herself. I felt like it was my job to do it for her, to protect her, and after she died, I felt such a mixture of guilt and relief.

At the end of August, I turned 35 and I decided that this was my year. I'm sick of settling. I followed my mother's foot steps in the worst way and since her death, I've been slowly trying to change that. But I don't push myself. I think up excuses, allow the negative demon voices in my head to rule the day, convincing me I don't deserve happiness.

And it's not true.

And sometimes I just need to write that down or type it out because I wouldn't wish a what if/regret life on anyone, especially myself.

huge book giveaway

Because I ingest books at a rapid rate, I felt the need to share this!




You have until October 13th to enter! Eight different genres of books to choose from in each package! So head on over, fellow bibliophiles!

happy glee day

Happy Glee Day, my friends!

So I uh, may have bombarded my tumblr account with several quotes...so I can't ignore spreading the love here. It's starts in five minutes!

weekly intention: moment to moment

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/09/20/intention-trust/

My intention last week was not to let fear control me.  I succeeded at times and other moments I failed spectacularly.  I can't deny I've been sitting on a lot of anxiety regarding finances.  Logically, I know things will work out and that I'm fortunate to have a job and a house to fret about when so many are in much worse situations.  But emotionally, selfishly, over the weekend, I was going to the "ohmygodwhatamIgoingtodolifeishorrible" place.

So, this week's intention is to grow upon my intention not to let fear stop me by focusing more on each moment as it happens.  To be present.  To be able to take that second to recognize my emotions in hopes of understanding and embracing my fears.

 

Book Review: I Know I Am, But What Are You? by Samantha Bee

I've been so busy reading that I haven't been keeping up with my reviews for challenges and such.  At least I usually manage to stay up on things at goodreads, but sometimes my brain is a scary place.  Anyway, i finished up the Non-Fiction Five Challenge with this lovely book.

Title:  I know I Am, But What Are You? by Samantha Bee

Summary:  Samantha Bee's hilarious essays on everything from her parents' views on religion and sex to her pre-Daily Show stint as a Japanese anime character.

My Review:  I loved this book.  Since I'm a huge fan of the Daily Show, I had her voice in my head as I read it, but I don't think that's a requirement for enjoying this series of essays that form a very interesting memoir of sorts.  I think it's very easy to understand how Samantha Bee came to be the very funny person she is today if the stories in this book are true.   It's interesting, unique, and a very quick read. 

My one warning:  This is laugh-out-loud funny.  My favorite part was when she was talking about Sailor Moon.  It was late at night and I'm not sure it was appreciated that I couldn't stop giggling like a maniac. 

Overall:  5 stars

Aloha Friday # 152

It's Aloha Friday.  In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too.

Fall is quickly approaching.  It's my favorite time of year.  Halloween, the smell of leaves falling from the trees and times of playing in them while my dad kept having to rake them again, apple picking...so many wonderul things.

What is your favorite thing about Fall?

Wishcasting wednesday - it's like the Diana Ross song...

Happy Wishcasting Wednesday, everyone!  If you're not sure what that is, head over to Jamie Ridler studios and join in.  I find it to be a great weekly moment of clarity and enjoy reading others wishes and putting that energy out into the universe.

This week's wishcast question: 

How do you wish to come out of your shell?

photo courtesy of Justice McLellan on we heart it

I read the question and I admit the first thing that popped into my head were the lyrics to that Diana Ross song from the seventies.  "I'm coming out...I want the world to know...Got to let it show."  And it's almost fitting as it's something I've never allowed myself to feel or be.  It's funny that I read this question after returning from my therapy session on lunch, where we discussed the inertia that comes about in my life from worrying so much about how things may or may not be viewed by people outside my control.  I use up so much energy being afraid and nervous at how I will make other people feel or how they might react that I block myself from being true to who I am and my creativity. 

My wish:  to simply allow myself to open up to the universe and life without feeling guilty or worrying so much about everyone else.

Review: The Big Short

I realized I had finished up my Non-Fiction Five challenge reading, but never posted the final two reviews.  Yeah, I'm on the ball.  Oh well, I can only start anew, right?  Here is book 4 of 5 for the challenge.

Title: The Big Short by Michael Lewis

Summary:  A brilliant account—character-rich and darkly humorous—of how the U.S. economy was driven over the cliff.
Truth really is stranger than fiction. Who better than the author of the signature bestseller Liar’s Poker to explain how the event we were told was impossible—the free fall of the American economy—finally occurred; how the things that we wanted, like ridiculously easy money and greatly expanded home ownership, were vehicles for that crash; and how shareholder demand for profit forced investment executives to eat the forbidden fruit of toxic derivatives.

My Review:  This book is one of those books that I went into knowing would make me angry, but I had heard Michael Lewis on NPR talking about the release of the book and added it to my to-read list. I have to say I walked away even angrier than I expected as I gained a basic understanding of what seemed to perplex most of the investors on Wall Street. I enjoyed the narrative tales of a handful of those who noticed what was going on with the economic system early on through until the end. Most if it was easy to follow, even by me, a girl who feared economics, as much as anyone could make sense of it - which is one of the points of the book; that none of it was logical.

I think this is one of those books that everyone should read. Because while people hate what has happened to the economy and don't think too highly of the financial industry, I don't think most of us are nearly as mad as we should be. As it seems, unfortunately at the end of this book, that nothing has been learned.

Good, but depressingly-true read.

4/5 stars

I will not let fear control me...

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/09/13/intention-sparkl/#more-3832

The passing of September 11th brought back a swarm of memories, worry about several friends, the loss of one of them, and it was yet another one of those reminders how much chaos there is in life.  There is only so much you can do to safe guard yourself from it without giving up actually living.  Who wants that?   The only thing each of us can do is live our best possible lives, be happy and try to pass that onto others.  My friend was all about that sort of thing.

Sometimes I let fear get in my way.  Fear of not being good enough.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  This fear keeps me static.

My intention this week:  Not to let fear hinder me.  Embrace it, work through it, and use it...just don't let it stop me.

Monday - what are you reading

http://bookjourney.wordpress.com/

Last week was a good reading week for me.  I was coming off of my "staycation" and I really wanted to get through my library book reads so I could jump into Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins. 

Finished Last Week (reviews to come): 

• Oh My Gods by Tera Lynn Childs
• I Know I Am, But What Are You by Samantha Bee
• Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Currently Reading:

• War By Sebastian Junger
• Web of Lies by Jennifer Estep

Upcoming Reads:

• Daywalker by Jocelynn Drake
• Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larrson

Loved Mockingjay.  Was pleasantly surprised by Oh My Gods.  Laughed a whole lot reading Samantha Bee's memoir. 

Fall Blogfest is here!

Blogfest 2010 is underway.  It's running today through September 12th and it's full of tons of giveaways!  Not only that, but it's a great way to discover new blogs to add to your blog roll.  And to make it easy for everyone to keep track of the sites they've visited and such, there is a tracking site.

I've already discovered some great new book blogs (because I can never add too many books to my to-read pile) and can't wait to spend the rest of the evening perusing the blogs and giveaways. 

What's that about writing?  Oh, yeah, um...I'll get back to you on that!

Wishcasting Wednesday - learn to fly

I survived our big event for the year at work, which went off rather well, so I can breathe a bit easier.  Even better, after the breakfast began my vacation through until next Tuesday.  I'm not traveling as I just don't have the funds and I'm looking forward to a "staycation" and just reading/writing/creating.  Maybe I'll head to the shore, but I'm not sure yet as it will be packed this weekend.

It's nearing the end of the day, spent my afternoon with my sister (who is also on "staycation" and running errands) and am now in a better mood to face Wishcasting Wednesday.  

This week's Wishcast:  What do you wish to begin?

I wish to spread my wings and fly.  To not be hampered by negativity or those lingering thoughts that I should be getting more done around the house.  What's the point in a life full of errands and too many rules?  I'm not saying I want to end up on an episode of Hoarders or requiring intervention to remember to do laundry or purchase groceries, but those things aren't going to be what I remember as I get older.  It's going to be opening myself up, risking failure, and sometimes soaring into the sky with my imagination and my pen.

Wishcasting Wednesday: Time, Time, Time...

It's Wishcasting Wednesday, my friends!  It's a dreary day here in New Jersey, but there is a nice breeze outside and I'm alive and well.  Can't really complain.

For those new to wishcasting wednesday, let me use Jamie's own words:  Wishcasting Wednesday is a safe haven for wishes, a fertile field in which to plant wish seeds and have them witnessed and tended lovingly. It’s a place where magic begins.

This week's Wishcasting:  How do you wish to spend some time?

I think the universe is involved in the creation of these questions because it always seems to come up at a time when I'm pondering the thoughts already or feeling the need/loss of something in my life that pertains what we're asked.

Time is a funny thing once you're an adult.  It starts to fly by at lightening speed and some days it's all you can do to keep up, and so many people end up living lives full of what if?  I don't want to be that person.  I feel strongly that my mother spent a large portion of her life (or the time that I knew her) living like that. She was unhappy and put everything/everyone before herself, and when she passed away last year, I was not only sad for myself, but sad for her.  I felt like she deserved more happiness than she allowed to manifest. 

And while time does move faster as we get older, or we just become more aware of it, I believe that time doesn't have to control us or our choices.  It's easy to get caught up in that idea - don't have the time to write today and get the laundry done or I can't take an hour to create and be there for the people in my life - and Lordy knows, I do it myself.  But the truth is, almost every day, we make a conscious choice on how we are going to spend our time.  There are responsibilities and events that have to be worked around sometimes, and while we might not have any say in how much time we are given, we do have a say in how we spend our now. 

My wish is that I can spend my time appreciating the now and allowing myself not to feel guilty for putting myself first.  I want to continue to trust that the universe is working with me and be happy with my time, whether it's writing, reading, or working out.

Two latest book reviews

Book:  Magic to the Bone by Devon Monk

Summary:  Using magic means it uses you back, and every spell exacts a price from its user. But some people get out of it by Offloading the cost of magic onto an innocent. Then it’s Allison Beckstrom’s job to identify the spell-caster. Allie would rather live a hand-to-mouth existence than accept the family fortune—and the strings that come with it. But when she finds a boy dying from a magical Offload that has her father’s signature all over it, Allie is thrown back into his world of black magic. And the forces she calls on in her quest for the truth will make her capable of things that some will do anything to control.
 
My review:  I ended up giving this book four stars (really liked) because of the world that Devon Monk created. The book itself reads like what I believe it was - the set up to a series - and in the beginning there is a lot of world building and a catalyst to bring the character to where she is at the end. I did really love the main character and how easily her feelings contradicted themselves against her actions or even just against how she felt moments later. She felt very real to me. I also really loved the idea that there are rules and consequences for using the magical energy, even if it is used for good.
Basically, it is one of those books that I picked up and ended up spending more time on my Saturday finishing up because I enjoyed it. And I'm highly interested to see how book two plays out.
 
Rating: 4/5 stars
 

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Book:  Forget About It by Caprice Crane

Summary:  Jordan Landau is having a bad life. At twenty-five, she is attractive, smart, funny and talented. But all that doesn't keep her mother from calling her fat, her boss from stealing her ideas, and her boyfriend from cheating on her. Day in and day out, she sits back and watches as everyone walks all over her. Then one day while riding her bike home from a particularly awful day, Jordan collides with a car door and is knocked clear off her bicycle. Coming to in the hospital, Jordan realizes she has a perfect excuse for a "do-over"; she vows to fake amnesia and reinvent herself.
And it works. Finally, Jordan is able to get the credit she deserves at work, and she stands up to her family and her jerk boyfriend. She's living the life she always dreamed of--until the unthinkable happens. Suddenly Jordan must start over for real, and figure out what really makes her happy--and how to live a truly memorable life.

Review:  (contains spoilers)

Despite the insanity of premise of the book, I really enjoyed how the majority of the story played out. I love the writing and could definitely relate to the main character, Jordan, and her issues and need for a "do-over." I think everyone goes through moments like that. The author managed to pull off this idea of faking amnesia without it coming off like too much of a soap opera and just passing for what it was - a nutty plan from someone going through a rough patch.

However, my issue came up in the last act of the novel, where it really did seem to turn toward the insane soap opera writing. I get the journey that the author was attempting to create for Jordan, but it just went so far out there that I started to shake the book since I couldn't shake the character (which does, again, prove the creation of a great character).

My other issue was that I felt like the first part of the book did build up her relationship with Todd, then laid out this huge pronouncement, but never really dealt with it to a satisfactory place...part of which, I feel was because of the last act of the novel.

Overall: enjoyable. If you've got the time, go for it, but it's not the book I'd force on my friends as a "must-read."

Shallow comments: In my head, I'm torn between my love of Todd and Travis, but I think Todd wins out. Is there anyone who reads this and feels anything but repulsed by Dirk?

Rating: 3/5 stars

What Are You Reading for August 23rd

http://bookjourney.wordpress.com/

I've seen this on a bunch of the blogs that I follow and thought it was a cool idea, as I mostly use Good Reads and tend to forget where I stand.  Basically, in her own words, it's "...where we gather to share what we have read this past week and what we plan to read this week. It is a great way to network with other bloggers, see some wonderful blogs, and put new titles on your reading list."  Since I'm always looking for new blogs and especially new books to read, I figured I would give it a go.

Finished:  Sadly, nothing got finished this past week.  I do need to post my review of Magic to the Bone by Devon Monk.

Currently Reading:  Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, Nightwalker by Jocelynn Drake, and The Big Short by Michael Lewis.  I find myself at my library's mercy some days.

Up Next: 1) Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins - I'm on vacation next week and am trying to hold off to read it until then.  2) The Demon's Covenant by Sarah Rees Brennan

So many books, so little time.

My weekly intention

http://www.abccreativity.com/2010/08/23/intention-movement/

My intention this week is trust.  Trust in the universe and in myself that things will work out, that as long as I keep doing what I need to do, I'll be fine and succeed.  Trust that hard work does pay off.  And especially trust that it's never too late to pick myself back up when I don't succeed at something right away.

Wishcasting Wednesday - let go and create

Today was a busy day at work, no real moments for breathers, but I wanted to get back into the habit of continuing with Wishcasting Wednesday.  Mostly, because I really enjoy it and it helps me take a look at certain areas of my life.  I also love exploring other people's wishes and putting that energy out into the world.

 picture by Fallon Akers

This week's Wishcasting Wednesday:  What do you wish for your creativity?

I feel like my creativity has always been a life line for me in many ways.  It's allowed me to survive emotions that I wasn't always equipped to handle, especially when I was a kid.  After my dad died, a lot of the time, my only outlet was my writing.  Over the last year, I've learned that my creativity, while usually expressed with writing, isn't limited to just one form.  Yes, words are my choice of drug.  I love words and how stringing together the same six words in different ways could express so many different things.

However, I'm slowly learning that I don't have to be great at something to use it as an expression of my creativity.  Creativity is energy, all around us and there for our using...there is no rule that says whatever you create has to be brilliant by anyone's standards (including your own).

My wish today is that I allow myself to lose the need to be perfect and simply enjoy the process of creation, opening myself up to so much more.  I wish that for myself and for everyone else.

Very Cool giveaway - $200 Follower Giveaway

The lovely blogs:  Kelly's Lucky You, Little Yayas, My Wee View, & Simply Stacie

I'll just let them sum it up in their own words:  Welcome to the $200 Follower Giveaway Tour!!

This special giveaway event is hosted by Simply Stacie, Little Yayas, My Wee View and Kelly’s Lucky You.

We have an extra special prize in store for our followers today and are bursting to tell you all about it! Think of it as our way of saying “Thank You” to all our followers!

One lucky follower is going to win $200 USD paid via Paypal.

 

In my opinion:  not only is it work it for the giveaway, but each of these blogs is full of great posts with reviews and other giveaways.