Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Calorie tracking and mean allergies...

Allergy season is officially upon us here in South Jersey and it's killing me.  I realize the importance of plants and pollination.  I truly appreciate being able to breathe, but must it torment me so?  I wanted to stay curled up in bed this morning as my head and eyes hurt, but I forced myself up and to work.  I'm sitting here rather sleepy and bleh, unable to focus, and wondering if I made the right decision.  It's such a weird dynamic for me.  On the one hand, I don't want to use sick time on allergies, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing at the office. 

I'm on day nine of my healthy living journey (yes, diet, I know, but I do hate that word) and there have been a few rough patches, but overall, I'm doing okay.  I only had one day where I was over calories and I still forced myself to track the food I ate so that I could try to learn from it.  Or, at the very least, see in cold hard numbers exactly what those three slices of pizza cost me nutritionally so that in the future, I can go into a situation aware. 

I haven't been doing the exercise part much yet.  One day last week.  Better than no days, but this won't work if I don't get moving.  I'm currently in the hiding-behind-no-time excuse, which is just that.  The thing is, I hate exercise.  Even when I was in a routine of doing it five times a week and getting fitter with each passing day, I never liked working out.  I saw it as one of those things I had to do.   Like work, but for my body.  I did like losing the weight and noticing that I could go for longer bouts of time at certain things, but the whole act of exercising is me getting from point A to point B.  I've accepted that I'm never going to be the girl who loves the gym and I'm not going to lie and pretend it's an enjoyable hour of my day, but it's an important one.  I need to focus on that more - it's important for my health and what I want to accomplish.

I once again, hit day six on #7daychip and had a bad day.  It wasn't as bad as some of my eating days in the past, but there is something about getting so close to a goal regarding my health that makes me sabotage myself.  There is this part of me that doesn't want to succeed, that doesn't think I deserve it, and that small part can take over so very easily.  I continue to work on being conscious of my eating decisions, but sometimes, I am conscious of it and still make the wrong choice.  I want to get control of this. 

Maybe it's as simple as starting with forgiving myself for slip-ups that do occur and moving on.  No looking back at how I messed up and I'm such a failure and my life is meant to be this way.  If I can start there, maybe whatever part of me gets off on failure and feeling terrible, will be silenced when I don't feed into it.

I don't know, really.  I'm talking out of my ass here.  All I do know is that something has to change.  I need to understand these patterns better if I'm going to avoid them in the future.

Victory:  Day 55 with no soda.  There have been a few moments where I almost gave in and had "just one" but stopped myself.  I really am proud of this and it often serves as a reminder that I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Mini Goal for Day:  Get all my waters in!

Mini Goal for Week:  Exercise two times.

7DayChip, I'm coming for you this week.  You will be mine!

No comments: