Wishcasting Wednesday: Reading

Today Jamie asks:

What do you wish to read?

courtesy of We Heart It

I'm always reading.  It's one of my favorite things to do in the world.  It's one of the things I'm so grateful to both my parents for - the love of the written word and getting caught up in stories and lives that are not my own.  When I graduated from my Catholic School in eighth grade, I was named "Class Bookworm" and it was very fitting.  I've always felt more comfortable with my nose stuck in a book than almost anywhere else in the world, and it continues to surprise me when people tell me that they don't read.  What?  How is that possible? 

This week's question from Jamie automatically made me think of all the books on my to-read list, all the books I want to get too, but like laundry and dishes, as soon as you get through one pile, there is a whole new pile that's appeared.  Except books are much more fun than laundry or dishes.  And I like to read, whereas I'll put off the other two for as long as possible. 

However, when I thought about the question a little more, I realized, for me, this question has nothing to do with books at all.  I wish to be able to read myself better.  I want to be able to glance at myself in the mirror and see the person I am and the person I'm becoming.  I want to be able to know myself the way I know certain books like Pride and Prejudice and The Outsiders - by memory, so certain of what is in front of me without any doubts, with great affection.  I want to be able to read the words that I write on the page or in my blog and gain some perspective and better understanding of who I really am, rather than who I perceive myself to be (which is always a menacing, horrible person who deserves nothing). 

I wish to be able to read myself and know myself like the back of my hand, so that I can use those skills to learn to read other people better.  Because when you don't know yourself, don't care very much for yourself, you let a lot of negativity into your life.  You let a lot of people take advantage of you and make you feel bad because you want to be liked and, when you're honest with yourself, you think it's what you deserve.  I want to be able to spot these people for the soul-suckers they can be and learn to walk away.

It's funny.  I thought this would be such a simple question, but as usual, this prompt has taken me somewhere unexpected it.  I'm grateful for that.