Wednesday, April 20, 2011

there are things that need tending to...

It's Wishcasting Wednesday.  As Jamie puts it, "Make a Wish: Dare to dream. Every Wednesday here at Jamie Ridler Studios, there will be a wish prompt to inspire you, but you can always wish for whatever you like, whenever you like. If you’d like to share your wish on your blog or website, there will be a space here for you to share your link so that others can visit and help tend your wish."

Today she asks:

I wish to tend to my health, losing weight and getting fit.  I wish to tend to the emotions that arise, especially those that invoke a sense of failure and not good enough, as I continue on this journey.  I'm an emotional eater.  I eat out of sadness, stress, boredom, whatever...I might not be hungry, but still I eat.  I try to hide it because I'm ashamed and can't figure out what's wrong with me - why do I constantly do this - but that only makes it worse.  I've taken a good first step in tracking everything that goes into my mouth again.  It's definitely helping me to notice patterns.  Night is the worse time for me.  If I don't have a dinner planned, it all goes to hell.  I do better when I get my workout in early, as I feel more confident and more determined to not have a "wasted" session. 

Take yesterday, for example.  I did good throughout the day.  I had a surplus of calories going into dinner.  But I had not planned for dinner and we ended up eating McDonalds.  I didn't go over my calories by much and I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I want to learn from this.  No plan in place = me grabbing something quick and unhealthy.  I wish to tend to this by taking some time on Sunday to plan out meals and put everything in place that I need. 

I wish to tend to these fears that continue to sprout up in me, the little demon voice that tells me: you don't deserve this, you don't really want this, why not save yourself the inevitable let down

I'm starting to realize that there doesn't have to be an inevitable let down and that's such a horrible place to live my life from.  I need to remind myself that I'm a survivor of so many things and that whatever I did in the past to get by doesn't have to be the total sum of my life.  I'm allowed to be happy and laugh and live a long time even though neither of my parents did.  I'm allowed to find something I love in life.  I'm allowed to feel comfortable in my own skin.

And for me, that all begins with tending to my health and weight.  Such a simple thing for some, but for me, a huge step.  I'm ready though, even if the demon voice in my head isn't.

12 comments: said...

You can do it!! Stay focused :]
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

Anonymous said...

Planning for meals is the best thing I do every week. You can do- keep working at it!
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

erinrichardson said...

Planning meals sounds like a great plan. As you wish for yourself, so do I wish for you as well.

LissaL said...

My oven is broken so it definitely is affecting my eating habits. It's just easier to get take out, but my belly pays the price. Good luck to you. I know you can do it:)
As Mare wishes for herself so i wish also

Tamara said...

Your wish really hit home with me and as you wish for yourself, I wish for you also!

Ceanne said...

Hi Mare,

As I hope you know, I completely understand. Good for you to keep going on--that's the best thing. Thanks for sharing. Take care.

(Today is weigh-in day for me so keep your fingers crossed for me too.)

As Mare wishes for herself, I truly truly TRULY wish for her as well!

Cindy Jones said...

Planning meals is another step in tweaking your control for your health! Don't be hard on yourself! Nurture yourself-"I'm ok right now. My next meal, day, week, in my control."
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also!

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Tending to your meals plan is a great start to a healthy eating style.
As Mare wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

Jane said...

Please take good care, and know that we're all with you. So many struggle with similar things. I've recently found that "Emotional Freedom Technique" can be really effective, and liberating in dealing with emotional eating. Please let me know if you'd like to learn about it, and I'll try to get some resources together for you.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also ~

Take good care, dear,

Ginny said...

I can definitely identify with what you are saying. I do so much better when I plan ahead and don't eat out. Taking care of yourself is so important and you do deserve it. As Mare wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.

Anonymous said...

Here's a good book for transforming those "demons": Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Love yourself. And as you wish for yourself, so I wish for you too!

Karen D said...

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also. I hear you on this one, I am such an emotional eater as well and it is great that you are able to see your patterns, that is a great step!