Wednesday, January 26, 2011

mother nature is on a rampage, but it's still wishcasting wednesday

Snow is once again ruling and mother nature is a force to be reckoned with.  It's a hard week for me as the two year anniversary of my mother's death is this Friday.  In some ways, it feels so much longer and at other times, it feels like it just happened.  Some days I just wonder if I'll ever be free of the whole ordeal.  I doubt it, but I can aim to at least stop being so hurt and angry and get to a place that's a lot healthier.  Baby steps.

In spite of all these things, today has been a great day.  We had a winter luncheon at work, where I was reminded how much I do enjoy the company of many of my co-workers, and it's wischasting wednesday.

This week Jamie asks:




It's funny because sometimes the quickest and simplest answers are the hardest to achieve.  As soon as I read the question, the answer "my life" popped right into my head and I started thinking about all the ways I thwart myself in this department. I've become  a person who focuses on the negative and has accepted the idea of unhappiness as a way of life for myself.  It's a weird thing with me because I'm actually pretty optimistic where it concerns others and such, but whenever it's about me, I take a brutal, sometimes mean view.  Enjoying life is for other people, better people, people not me.

I've slowly been learning to stop that cycle.  I grew up thinking that there were only certain things that should make me happy.  Except these things were never right fits for me and I didn't really have anyone who understood or who I could explain this to.  It's sad that it has taken me so long to realize that I'm allowed to be happy and make the most of my life the way that I want to, but it's also amazing to finally acknowledge.

And yet, some days, enjoyment feels so hard to come by, so wrong at times, like all these positive steps I've taken in my life since my mother died (as that was a huge catalyst in my life) is wrong somehow.  And the simplest answer becomes complicated.

Because I make it that way.

So my wish is to enjoy my life.  Not every moment will be great, but happiness is not some fairy tale-never-happens sort of thing.  I am in control of enjoying life and I wish that I can allow myself that right (which at this very moment is to curl up in front of a fire with a book and hot cocoa, hence the picture).

15 comments:

Tabitha the KnittingJourneyman said...

As you wish for yourself, I so deeply wish for you as well.

See my wish here: http://preview.tinyurl.com/4v5abjw

mujerzen said...

As you wish for yourself, I lovingly wish for you.

thewildpomegranate said...

LOVE the photo :) And I just sat here nodding my head when I read this: "And it got me to thinking about all the ways, I've come into being a person who focuses on the negative and the idea of unhappiness as a way of life for myself. It's a weird thing with me because I'm actually pretty optimistic where it concerns others and such, but whenever it's about me, I take a brutal, sometimes mean view."

O.M.G. Could have written that myself, ABOUT myself!

I am SO with you on this...I've been trying to "watch" myself when I'm saying things. In some ways, it's like the Gift of Seeing What's Not There, only in shadow (if you know what I mean). But it can sound 'negative', if I'm not care...

CHEERING FOR YOU! :)

as you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well!

Grace

Domestic and Damned said...

As you wish this for yourself, I too wish this for you




http://ramennoodlesagain.blogspot.com

Kim Switzer said...

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you as well.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Big hug.
As Mare wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

Tammy said...

As you wish for yourself, I also wish for you! :)

Jane said...

Beautiful writing, Mare ~ I wish for you every happiness.

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Hugs,
Jane

Anita said...

I'm sure so many of us can relate to your wish today!
As you wish for yourself, I expectantly wish for you also!

Yvonne said...

This is so true.
As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you, too!

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Seems lots of us want to enjoy life. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you.

DonnaOnTheBeach said...

A truly beautiful wish. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also. xxx

Mary said...

I was very much the same way as you, now I'm learning that whenever I have a negative thought, I ask what the opposite thought is and claim that for myself. It takes practice, and I'm getting better at it.
As you wish for yourself,I lovingly wish this for you as well.
MaryK

Jeniffer said...

Mare, With tears (literally) of understanding I hold you and your wish in my heart.

I lost my mother three years ago. It too has been a source of uncontrolled emotions as well as a positive catalyst in my own life.

Continue to embrace you emotions. Know that you can make the changes you wish to see in your life.
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also.

a picket fence life said...

I wish for happiness to wrap you in its arms and never let go!

As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.