Day 14: Reverb 10 (Appreciate)

Today I had one of the worst sinus headaches in a long while, add to it another medical issue, and I had to bite the bullet and go to the doctor.  On my continued weight loss/get healthy journey, I had a fallback and am being put back on the blood pressure water pill.  It's my own fault.  When I started focusing more on my mental health this past year, I've let a lot of my working out and focus on eating right fall to the wayside.  Current nemesis:  soda.  I had been off it for almost nine months - no soda at all - and one day I just started drinking diet soda again.  And the sodium and artificial sweeteners and caffeine are so not good for me.

Onto today's Reverb 10 Prompt before I take more Ibuprofen and pass out for the night, as I can't miss another day of work. 

December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

Life.  It sounds so cliche, but it's something I've never really taken the time to truly appreciate just being and existing.  it's funny.  You'd think a girl who lost her dad when she was a kid to cancer would grow up truly appreciating life.  Of being someone who was more impulsive than so cautious about every single thing.  After all, I know firsthand that life and death just happen.  But it wasn't until my mother died that it really sunk in - I'm only guaranteed this moment. 

I talk about this a lot, I know, but it's because it's this huge realization I've been coming to terms with.  I've spent so much of my life focusing on ignoring or trying to stuff down the pain of my past or going on and on about the future (usually breaking down every dream and wish to its very worst possible ending)...I'm only realizing this year that I should just appreciate each day for what it is.  And while I can't control everything, I can control how I face the day.  I can choose to let people frustrate me.  I can choose to avoid the things I love because I don't think I deserve.  I can choose to worry and not appreciate the things I do have.

How I've started expressing gratitude for my life?  I try to write down something each day that I'm grateful for and it's funny how the smallest things really are great - like the car that lets you out onto the road in traffic.  And I've started telling the people I love how much I appreciate them more often.  At first, I know it freaked them out - I'm not a girl who really shared her feelings - but I'm pretty sure it made them feel good.  And definitely reminded me of all that I have.