Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Wishcast Wednesday - soaring

It's been another crazy day.  I'm feeling much better health wise.  I think my doctor had it right yesterday with the sleep and bed rest.  I guess I need to remember to disconnect more often.  And get back to watching my nutrition, especially when I don't/can't workout.

Dishes and laundry are done.  I'm showered, having used one of my lavender aromatherapy tablets to de-stress/calm down, and now I am ready to enjoy Wishcast Wednesday, even if I'm a bit late.

This week Jamie asks us:







I've slowly been working on getting unstuck in my life.  I have felt trapped in many ways - some of my own doing and some just life's little gifts - and it's taken me awhile to realize that I can get out of this rut.  That I have the power to do it.  Anything I dream is possible.  I used to believe that before it was beaten out of me by my mother.  But the thing is?  I can't remember a day that woman was happy in her life.  She wasn't sullen and miserable all the time, but truly happy?  I don't think so.  Especially after my dad died, she just shut down and made a decision (whether consciously or not) to not care anymore.  I think that's the most tragic thing about my mom's death.  And sometimes I feel sad and guilty that I wasn't in a mental place to notice such things.  I was just fighting to get through days with her and learned at a young age to just shut down.  There was no protector or advocate for me when I grew up.  It was me against my mom.  And she managed really well to stomp dreams out of my head, telling me that I had to grow up and stop living in such a fantasyland.

Now I know that the best thing I can do for myself is not only daydream and plan, even the most outrageous, awesome things, because not only is it possible, but I deserve it.

I wish to soar in my writing and my personal relationships, especially the one I have with myself.  I wish to have faith that flying doesn't mean crash-and-burn.  I wish to soar without being paralyzed by fear.

What are you wishing for?

I'm going to try to get through as many posts tonight as possible, but in case I don't get to it tonight, to my fellow wishcasters:  as you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also with all my heart.

5 comments:

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

This coul be a bit like one of my wishes. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Shannon said...

I don't even know where to begin- this post was awesome on so many levels. First, lavendar does seem to be a cure-all. I dream of someday running through a field of lavendar in Provence (uh oh, new Busket List item). Second, your resilience is astounding and you DO deserve "it" - whatever you wish "it" to be.

We're very similar in where we want our future to go (however I think I'm about 10-20 years older than you and have to make haste). You'll get there faster and have more time to bask in the beauty of YOU.

As you wish for yourself, I also wish for you.

Marilyn said...

oh, Mare, you really touched me with this post. it's good to be mindful of self-care. in 12-step programs, there's an acronyn: H.A.L.T. it means to not let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired...because those can be triggers (for any of us, regardless of 12-stepping). ;) soaring in your personal relationship with yourself is such a HUGE, HUGE wish...because often when we think of "soar" we think of some outward manifestation of freedom and/or success. and you spoke such truth to say that soaring in our relationship to self is the most important. hugs to you. as you wish for yourself, i wish for you also.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

I especially vibe with this statement:

>> Now I know that the best thing I can do for myself is not only daydream and plan, even the most outrageous, awesome things, because not only is it possible, but I deserve it.
>>

Beautiful, Mare. SO beautiful!

As Mare wishes, so I wish for her also!

valeriehart said...

Dear sweet Mare... ohh what a lovely, heartfelt post.
Anything you dream is possible. I believe in you. You can change your life at any moment and live the life you dream about. Yes it is possible. Many of us come from horrible childhood circumstances, but it does not have to define us...

As Mare wishes, so I wish for her also!

Love, Peace & Christmas blessings,
xoxo Valerie
http://valeriehart.com