Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Days 20-22: Reverb10 Catch-Up

I'm hoping the craziness will slow down.  I have one more work day before I start vacation and one more story to finish by tomorrow evening.  I'm hoping then I can just relax and enjoy my time.  I want to do some journaling and more of letters.  It's a form of therapy I've been doing.  I have such issues with saying aloud things I'm feeling.  I'm one of those people who constantly lives in fear of hurting anyone's feelings, maybe because I grew up feeling that way a lot, and I find that I can write these sorts of letters to the person.  Completely unleash and just let it rest in my journal.  Nothing I would ever mail.  I'm not that brave or masochistic.

So let's play catch-up on Reverb 10.

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I spent a lot of the year avoiding writing.  I slowly started back with using this blog, but even that.  I can't really explain it rationally, but a small part of my love of writing used to come from the fact that my mother just didn't get it.  It seemed to frustrate her - that I lived with my head in the clouds, determined that one day that would be my profession - and I loved to frustrate her.  And then she died and writing became this confusing thing.  I felt like I couldn't do it.  The one outlet I'd always had and I just couldn't get myself to sit down and do it.  I think I was afraid of what would come out.  Or what wouldn't.  I'm getting back into the habit, but I feel like I wasted so many months avoiding something I love.  Aside from writing, I think this has been the first year in my entire life where I haven't been avoiding most things.  I'm in therapy and working on my myriad of issues and trying to face life head-on instead of hiding in the bushes in hopes it doesn't see me.

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Hi Mare:

I hope you are enjoying your forties with grace and peace of mind.  I'm sure you're busy finishing up your masters and getting ready to publish your latest novel.  Things are great because you've been learning to let go of all that crap.  I want you to look back at 2010 and this time around it and remember, even in the darkest moments and hardest therapy sessions, it was all worth it.  You're a better person.  You're happy and not so hard on yourself, and you've found a way to let go of all the anger/hurt with your mother and remember the good times.  I want you to know that in 2011, it's supposed to be the "year of me" and it's okay to put yourself first.  Make your voice heard - to yourself and others - and you can conquer the world.  Just remember, you deserve everything you wish for those you love.  Work hard and believe in yourself.  It pays off.  Trust me on that.


Future Me

December 22 – Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt) 

Money has been super, super tight the past two years.  I work for a non-profit and with the state of the economy, we didn't get any raises last year.  It's never a lot - as it is a non-profit and it's part of the gig - but every bit helps.  And Murphy's Law was in full effect where every single thing happened at once and depleted lots of my funds.  So as far as travel, it's mostly been in my daydreams.  Sometimes I close my eyes and I'm back at the Cliffs of Moor in Ireland.  I think it is the most beautiful, perfect place I've ever visited.  I hope to go there again one day.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

"I have such issues with saying aloud things I'm feeling." - Me too, and that's why I started blogging. I still hold back, just in case I offend someone or, god forbid, someone I KNOW (like family or my husband or people I work with) should read it. I'd be mortified. But the more I blog, the more I find a voice, the more I realize I can express. I may not be able to do it verbally, but blogging is an outlet - for you and me both, huh? Glad you are back, I've missed your posts! ;)