I'm excited though. Tomorrow I have off. I want to go see a movie alone and then I'll spend the afternoon writing and reading. I need some quality me time.
Back to Reverb10.
December 8th: Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
Interesting question that comes up in the period between my therapy sessions where I was assigned "homework" to notice when people are paying me compliments and attempt to let them sink in. I'm supposed to show up with at least one compliment that was paid to me. To further prove my own obliviousness and belief in my own lacking, I don't think there were any compliments. And I think a lot of this comes from my inability to compliment myself, from growing up being told that I was never good enough and living up to this false prophecy for so long.
As part of shedding that unwanted skin, I'm working on loving myself. It's really hard. It sounds so easy in theory, but it's such a difficult idea for me to wrap my brain around.
When I think about it though, I'm a good friend. I listen and make people laugh and always offer a smile. I try to help others whenever I can and I'm compassionate. For a long time, I thought things like this were just a given. That everyone would drop everything to help a friend or to save kitten's life, but apparently, it's one of my good qualities. Maybe I'm beautiful after all.
December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)
I had two of my friends in from Pittsburgh for a fangirl weekend. I admit I was a bit worried as my life was in chaos, money was tight, and I was feeling utterly insecure that I couldn't be a good hostess for an entire weekend. But I'm so glad that I overcame my anxiety and that my friends came to visit. We hung out, chatted about random things, watched movies and got each other addicted to different television shows. It was just a happy time. No stress, no worries, just friends and laughter and sharing our love of great entertainment.
I even lived on the wild side while Jen and Chris were visiting. I had a chocolate milkshake - something I hadn't imbided in over a year. Yes, some people have alcohol, but all I need is chocolate ice cream.
It was just a reminder to myself that despite all my social anxiety, my friends love me (and I love them) and we have fun together. I need to allow myself to not only savor these moments but create more of them.